


Flipped

by TheatreDumbass



Category: IT (2017), Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gay, Growing Up, Homophobia, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Multi, One Sided Attraction, One Sided Love, Reddie, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Slow Burn, Small Abuse, The only smut is Richie having sexual thoughts of Eddie, bichie - Freeform, but only for like a minute lmao, but that’s no surprise, stan is low key a bad friend, steddie, the rest is pure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-05-13 22:16:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19260229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheatreDumbass/pseuds/TheatreDumbass
Summary: Richie Tozier pines after Eddie for years. Crying to his bestfriend that the cute boy across his street won’t love him back.Eddie Kaspbrak despises Richie Tozier with a burning passion. Until he doesn’t.





	1. My life has been affected forever

**Eddie**

On the first day I moved to Derry I already had a problem. And that problem was Richie Tozier.

I was 6 years old and the year was 1981. We were moving from Hawkins Indiana. My older sister, Barb, couldn’t stop complaining about how disgusting everything looked. She was 11. 

As soon as I pulled by his house, my eyes met his. He had a disgusting bowl haircut and black hair. He was wearing glasses that magnified his blue eyes. He smiled at me but it made my stomach feel weird, I didn’t like it.

We pulled into our driveway and I heard my sister scoffed. She really didn’t like Derry, Maine. I couldn’t see why.

“Alright! Us men will take care of the boxes, women why don’t you head to the kitchen to fix up some lunch?” My dad, Frank, smiled. My mom, Sonia, and Barb nodded heading away.

My dad and I headed to the moving truck and opened it up. We stepped in the back and not even 30 seconds later that boy ran up and tapped me on the shoulder.

“Hi! I’m Richie! Do you guys need any help?” He smiled. He turned his head and went to pick up a box but my dad stopped him.

“No! Don’t touch that, that box has very variable items in it.” My dad was trying to be polite but that boy could not take a hint.

“Oh okay! How about this one?” Richie pointed and my dad shook his head.

“No, that’s alright. Why don’t you go back home, I’m sure your mother is worried sick.” My dad said.

“Nope. She knows where I am. Hey cutie, how about we both get that box?” Richie smiled and went over but my dad put his foot on it.

“Eddie, I think I hear your mother calling you.” My dad said.

“What?” I said confused.

“You don’t hear that?” My dad said and suddenly winked at me.

“Oh! Uhm, yes I do.” I said. I didn’t wanna be around that Richie boy anyway. He smelled like play-doh. I took off running to my house but he started chasing after me.

“Your name is Eddie? That’s a cute name for a cute boy!”

My short legs weren’t very fast so he caught up with me.

“Hey wait!” Richie grabbed me by the shoulders, causing me to almost fall. Richie put his hand on my waist to stop me which ended up with me falling backwards and him landing on top of me. His glasses fell on my face.

“Ow!” I cried. I looked up to see him with wide eyes and pink cheeks. My mom always told me that pink cheeks meant you were blushing, but what does blushing even mean?

“Well I see you’ve meant my son.” I looked behind me, sighing in relief when I saw my mother.

“Get off of me!” I said and pushed him off me. He landed on the ground with “oof”. Being 6 years old, I did the only thing I could, which was running behind my mom.

“Hi! I’m Richie.” He smiled.

“Nice to meet you Richie. Maybe you could come over sometime.” She offered. How could she!

“No mommy!” I yelled. She looked at me confused but I dragged her inside and slammed the door.

What a weirdo! I most definitely did not enjoy that boy. He had bandaids on his elbows! Who has bandaids on his elbows?

I was hoping that would be the last time I would ever see that boy again. But I was very wrong.

The first day of first grade was next week. When I walked into Ms. Apple’s class I saw none other than that same blue eyed boy. His eyes filled with happiness when he saw me and ran over to me.

“Eds! You’re here!” He cheered. He reached over and pinched my cheeks. “Cute, cute, cute!”

The whole class bursted into laughter and I could feel my eyes fill up with tears. This was so embarrassing.

“Get off me!” I yelled and pushed him. He looked a bit confused but quickly shoved it off. He wrapped his arms around my stomach and nuzzled his face in my neck. I realized he was hugging me. How dare he! I tried pulling him but he wasn’t listening.

From that day on I had no friends. Richie Tozier ruined my life. Everyone called ME a homo! A faggot! A gay! I don’t even know what those things are but if it means no one likes you, it must not be a good thing.

“Hey Eddie, where’s your boyfriend!”

“Eddie and Richie sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“He has the gay touch!”

I had to sit alone for recess. That really sucked. But then Richie fricking Tozier started playing with me. I would’ve much rather sat alone.

“Hi Eds!” Richie beamed, sitting next to me.

“My name is Eddie, not Eds. Don’t call me that.” I scoffed. What a poopoo head.

“But I like Eds! Almost as much as I like you!” He beamed. He puckered his lips and leaned in, so I slapped him. “Ow!”

“What is wrong with you! I don’t even know you! You’re the reason people are calling me gay!” I screamed.

“What does gay mean?” Richie asked confused.

“I-..Okay so I don’t really know but it’s not good.” I said.

“Hm..well if being gay means I can be around you, I love being gay!” He smiled.

“Well I hate it! I hate being around you! I hate being called gay! I hate you!” I yelled and ran off.

Yucky! His germy mouth almost touched mine! Why do people even kiss? I’m never gonna kiss anyone.

When I went home I cried to my mom about how much I hated that Tozier boy.

“He seems like a nice boy Eddie.” My mom reassured.

“No! He tried to kiss me! A-And everyone keeps calling me gay!” I sobbed. I didn’t like school.

“Edward Lee Kaspbrak, look at me.” My mom said sternly. I looked up and wiped away my tears. “If you ever decide to be gay, you will not be apart of this family. I want you to stay away from that Tozier boy, got it?”

“What does gay mean?” I asked.

“It’s a very bad thing Eddie. You’ll go to hell if you decided to be gay. That’s all you need to know, do you understand? Stay away from him.” My mom demanded.

She surely didn’t need to tell me twice! I already didn’t like that boy and now he has the power to send me to hell!? Is he Satan?!

“Yes mommy.”

I will always hate Richie Tozier.

 **Richie**

I’ve always wanted to help people out. That’s just been my personality I suppose. My mom said it’s a curse and a blessing. I never knew what she meant by curse

Until my next door neighbor Eddie Kaspbrak moved in.

The first time I locked eyes with him, I was hooked. I was always 6. I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was his chocolate brown eyes or his fancy hair or maybe even his pretty smile, but I had never wanted to talk to someone more.As soon as he walked out the car I rushed over and into the moving truck.

“Hi! I’m Richie! Do you guys need any help?”

The cuties dad was very selfless! Wanting me to be careful and safe. What an nice man. Then the cuties name started running towards his house. I realized his dad called him Eddie, so that must be his name. I started to run after.

“Your name is Eddie! What a cute name for a cute boy!”

I was able to catch up with him but he was still running.

“Hey wait!” I grabbed his shoulders but he almost fell, I tried to save his life by grabbing his waist but it ended with me falling on top of him. My glasses hit his face and I heard him complain but suddenly it was like time froze. I got to really look at his face, he was truly beautiful.

His freckles looked like stars and Eddie’s face was space. I felt my face go hotter than it usually was, it was only this hot when I had a fever.

I always say my mom and dad touch their lips together, it was called kissing apparently. I wanted our lips to touch!

But before I could his mom came out and he ran behind her. Eddie Kaspbrak had my first kiss, I just knew he did.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was clearly a shy boy, and I just knew he liked me! He just needs a little push.

I knew it was fate when I saw him walk into the same class room as me. My body filled with happiness and I rushed over to pinch his cheeks and call him what he really is.

“Cute, cute, cute!”

The whole class bursted into laughter but I figure it must be because I’m funny. He pushed me off and yelled which confused me but I saw he was sad. I wanted to comfort him so I hugged him.

Nobody wanted to really talk to me, I’m not sure why. They kept calling me homo, faggot, gay, which confused me. Those certainly weren’t my name at all! Not even close.

I found Eddie behind by the monkey bars and I immediately wanted to talk to him. So I did.

“Hi Eds!” I beamed. I could already feel my heartbeat pick up at his face.

“My name is Eddie, not Eds. Don’t call me that.” He said with a mean face.

“But I like Eds! Almost as much as I like you!”

I decided to get my first kiss I so rightfully deserved. I puckered out my lips and leaned in for a smooch but I felt a stinging pain on my cheek.

Suddenly the boy started yelling at me. Using words I didn’t even know. Then he stormed away, leaving me confused.

I went home to my mom, asking her what gay means.

“You know how I’m a girl, and I love your father, who’s a boy?” She asked.

“Yeah.” I replied.

“Well sometimes boys love other boys. It’s something they can’t control. Nobody can choose who they love, it just happens.” My mom explained.

“Can girls love other girls?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s called lesbian.” She said.

“Is being gay bad? Eddie said it’s not a good thing.” I asked.

“Who’s Eddie?” My mom said confused.

“Just the cutest boy in the world! I love him mom! I love him more than my crayons!” I beamed.

“Well that sure is a lot.” She laughed.

“How can I make Eddie gay?” I asked.

“You can’t make anyone gay Richie. Just like how you can’t make anyone not gay.” My mom explained.

“But you said we don’t choose who we fall for. So that means Eddie could like a boy. Which means Eddie could like me.” Richie said.

“It’s not that simple honey. You’re too young to be getting into all of this. All you need to know is there’s nothing wrong with being gay, okay?” She smiled and I nodded. I knew I was young but I also knew another thing.

I will always love Eddie Kaspbrak.


	2. Strangers can be friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie just wants friends. Richie just wants to Eddie to be his friend. Second grade rocks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

**Eddie**

First grade ended as fast as it came. I didn't have any friends the entire year which was horrible. I even got the nickname "Wheezy" and "Girly Boy" from a third grade named Henry Bowers. I didn't like Henry. He had dirt under his nails. Yucky.

I loved being outside but every time I went outside, the problem was there. It was stupid! I hated living across from him, it surely wasn't fair. Why does God hate me? When I went house he'd try to convince me to climb up into this stupid tree with his sisters or he wanted to give me lemonade for free or worst yet, he wanted to throw balls at me! Red balls! Hard balls! Big balls! Small balls! I didn't like throwing balls but that Richie boy wouldn't listen to me.

My parents weren't to fond of Richie after they found out what happened. My dad didn't hate him but he was very unsure of the boy. My mommy hated his mommy. Well, my mommy hated how his mommy worked on the front lawn. How did they work on it? They don't. It's a complete mess!

"Good lord look at that yard." She would scoff.

"I'd rather sleep in a farm house than in there." My dad would always reply. I suppose not having a green yard with flowers in it a bad thing. They had a weird yard. Brown grass! Who has brown grass? We don't. We have green grass.

One day my mommy took me for ice cream. I didn't really like ice cream, it was too cold.

"Mommy can I have the hot chocolate milk?" I asked.

"It's just called hot chocolate Eddie-Bear, but yes you can." She smiled.

"What did I say?" I said confused. She shook her head.

"Go find a seat for us Eddie." She said and I nodded. I walked over to a table with two chairs and went to sit down but a boy with noodle hair beat me to it.

"This is my seat." The pasta hair boy said.

"But I want it." I whined.

"Well boo-hoo!" He said and stuck out his tongue. I huffed and crossed my arms.

"Don't be like that! I need this seat more than you do!" I yelled.

"No you don't!" He yelled back.

"Yes I do!" I argued. Suddenly my mom walked over with her ice cream and my hot chocolate milk.

"Eddie we can just move to a different table." She said.

"No! We deserve this table!" I stomped my foot and turned to the pasta hair boy. "I have a fat mom who must be sitting! She's 6 million pounds! She could collapse at any moment!"

"EDAWRD LEE KASPBRAK!"

My mom took me home and explained to me how what I said wasn't okay. I didn't get why, what was wrong with honesty? My mom always told me to be honest and now she's telling me to lie? I hope I never have to be a mom, those sound complicated.

"Eddie I am not 6 million pounds. I just have some extra weight and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not okay to judge people." She said sternly.

"I wasn't judging mommy, I just wanted to get the table we deserved." I said.

No matter how much I tried to explain, I was still grounded for a week! No going outside, no tv, and no toys. During summer! What a joke. I didn't like that pasta hair boy.

On the third day I was grounded I heard a knock on my window. I was very scared so I picked up my plastic scooby doo bat walked over. I closed my eyes, quickly opened the window, and swinged as hard as I could.

"Ouchie!" I opened my eyes to see Richie Tozier on the ground rubbing his chin. "Jeez Eds! What the heck?"

"Richie! Go home!" I said. I went to close the window but he poked his face in.

"Why haven't I seen you?" He asked.

"Because you're stupid." I said. I pushed his face out my room and slammed my window shut, locking it.

When second grade started I was more than excited. I was hoping I could make friends, it was new grade. I even had a new lunch box! I really was going to be the coolest kid in school and I couldn't wait.

My dreams were shattered when Henry Bowers threw a stupid RED ball at me. I hate balls. I didn't make any new friends and worse of all, Richie was in my class again!

I hid behind a tree during recess hoping Richie wouldn't find me.

"Hey."

Anger filled my 3'8 body and I stood up. Ready to yell at Richie, except it wasn't Richie. It was the stupid pasta hair boy from July.

"You!" I gasped and pointed my finger at his face. "You're that mean boy!"

"I'm not mean! You're mean! Pointing is rude!" He said and put my finger down. "I'm new here and you're the only boy I've seen. I mean, I've seen some of these girls but my daddy says girls have morphodites. Wanna be friends?" He asked.

"Why would I wanna be friends with a complete stranger?" I asked.

"All friends start as strangers you dummy. I'm Stanley Uris. But my friends call me Stan." Stan smiled.

"You just say you didn't have friends." I said confused.

"Oh-well I meant you can call me Stan." He said.

"I don't want to be friends with someone who has..has..who has homo hair!" I yelled.

"What does homo mean?" He asked.

"I don't know, but it's not a good thing so you should be really insulted." I said.

"Oh okay."

And from that day on, I had my first ever friend. I told Stan about how stinky and yucky Richie Tozier was and Stan started to dislike him too, which was great! I also noticed Richie started talking to this other boy that stuttered a lot which was fine, I didn't care.

I started caring when Stan and the stuttering boy started talking. What if Richie steals my friend? Richie is truly evil like that.

"We should be friends with Bill." Stan said one day out of the blue.

"No way, he's friends with cheese." I said.

Cheese was what we called Richie. One time we got caught talking mean things about Richie and we had to put our color to red! That sucked. So we just started calling him cheese because it was stinky just like him. Sometimes I just say Chee because it was easier.

"So what? That doesn't make Bill a bad person." Stanley said.

"Nope, don't care."

Despite what I said, one day during recess Me, Stan, Bill, and stupid Richie were all sitting in a circle together.

"We should play duck duck goose!" Richie suggested.

"That's a stupid idea." Stanley said. He really didn't like Richie.

"I-I like that g-game. I-It's r-really fun." Bill smiled sadly.

"Okay yeah we should play duck duck goose." Stanley nodded and stood up. "I'll be the walkie person."

So Stan went around until he tapped Bill's head and he was the goose. When I was goose I decided to make Richie because he sucked. I tapped his head hard and yelled goose. Richie stood up and I was about to start running to an empty spot but frickin Bill was taking up all the spots and I definitely didn't want Richie to touch me.

So I sprinted around the play ground quickly. I was fast thankfully and I probably could've made it until it was time to go but then Richie pulled some ninja move and was picking me up and spinning me.

"I got you! I got you!" He cheered.

"Put me down you stupid piece of cheese!"

My mom told me third grade would be much better than second, now that I actually had friends, and there's was a very likely chance I wouldn't have Richie in my class next year. I really hoped she was right.

**Richie**

First grade wasn't my favorite. My soulmate kept trying to avoid me the entire year! That really sucked.

Over the summer my sisters and I found this big beautiful tree at their bus stop. We climbed up to the third branch everyday and would just watch the view. It was a really nice view. I would try to convince Eddie but he just wouldn't. He would always say stuff like

"Sorry my ankle is bleeding."

Or

"I need to get home."

I always tried my very best to be nice to Eddie. I just knew Eddie was going to be my first kiss, so obviously I wanted him to like me.

I would offer lemonade that I freshly squeezed everyday! He always makes a sour face, spits it out, and throws it at me. But at least it's something!

One day I decided to visit him. His mom wouldn’t let me in so I decided to sneak in through his window. I felt like a prince and Eddie was my princess. I was his prince coming to save him from the evil troll. I suppose Eddie thought I was the evil troll because as soon as he opened the window he yelled at me with his baseball bat and told me to go home. That didn’t seem very fair, I had to step on a brick to get to that window! I didn’t even get my kiss that would turn me into a handsome king. Life really sucks.

On the first day of second grade I was so happy to see my Eddie. But he avoided me. I didn’t understand why. During recess I was going to talk to him only to see some boy with noodle hair wearing a small frisbee! And he was talking to MY Eddie!

I wasn’t worried, Eddie didn’t like talking to people besides me of course. But Eddie was pushing that frisbee boy away. That didn’t seem fair at all. I was a way better boyfriend than he was. I didn’t like that frisbee boy.

About a month later we had a new student come to my class. I liked his Thomas the tank engine shirt so I told him that.

“O-Oh thanks. I-I got it f-for my birthday.” He smiled.

“Why do you talk like that?” I asked.

“H-Hm? D-D-Do y-you mean my st-stutter? I-I’ve always h-had that.” He said.

“Oh, okay. I’m Richie!” I beamed and held out my hand for him to shake. He smiled and shook it.

“I’m W-William b-but p-people call me B-Bill.” He said.

“Well that’s stupid. You’re name isn’t Billiam! I don’t understand that. Thinking of understanding things, do you see that cutie over there?” I asked and pointed to my Eddie. He nodded. “That’s my first kiss.”

“Yuck, y-you kiss?” He grimaced.

“Well- no not yet. But he will be.” I said proudly.

“S-So you have a c-c-crush on him?” Bill giggled.

“Oh no no, don’t get it confused Big Bill. I don’t have a crush on him, I’m in love.” I smiled.

“Are you t-t-two friends? L-Let’s go talk t-to him.” Bill said.

“No! Don’t be crazy! I’m not really his number one fan..but that’s okay! We’re meant to be!”

Bill and I continued to be friends and I realized that naming a child William but nick naming him Bill was weird. I also didn’t like Bill hanging out with the Eddie snatcher.

“I h-have an idea.” Bill said proudly one day, during recess.

“What is it?” I asked.

“You, me, Stanley, and Eddie should play duck duck goose together! When you’re goose you can pick Eddie and he’ll have to chase you!” Bill said.

“Oh! That sounds fun! Let’s do it.” I smiled.

When Eddie was goose you can imagine my surprise when he tapped my head. I went to go chase after him but Eddie wasn’t sitting down. I realized Bill was covering any open spots so I decided to chase after my boy.

He was fast, should definitely be a running person, but I knew some moves. I swinged myself on the monkey bars so I could leap over to Eddie. I caught up with him and decided to pick him up, spinning him. My whole face was on fire, I was holding my Eddie in my arms, It was a wonderful feeling.

When second grade ended I was sad. Well, I was sad about summer. Eddie never left his house anymore, he spent time with that Stanley boy. Plus third grade was coming up! There’s literally a gazillion stuff I’ve gots to learn.

I hoped my first kiss would have the same class as me again. I decided to ask my magic 8-ball if Eddie would ever be my first kiss.

**Ask Again Later**

What did that even mean?


	3. Oreo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stanley is a mean boy >:/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone was wondering why it says there’s going to be 12 chapters in total instead of 10,, I just needed more chapters

**Eddie**

In third grade I found out two things. What gay meant and why someone blushed.

The summer was boring. I just wanted third grade to happen already! I was so excited to learn more stuff. My mommy says it'll be the best year of my life and I don't see why not. There's a chance I won't have Richie in my class, I finally have a friend, and I can learn so much subjects! Why could go wrong?

Nope I wanna go back to summer I hate this.

I could already tell it was going to be one of the worst school years of my life. I'd rather look through a stack of needles to find a piece of hay- wait or is it a stack of hay with a needle? I'm not sure. Either way it doesn't sound pleasant, that's what I'd rather do.

Henry's entire group had failed a grade twice in a row, meaning they were now in third grade, my class. Richie was in my class, AGAIN! Three years in a row! Stan wasn't in this class though. And finally the cherry on top of worst things ever, there's a seating chart. Since God hates me, do I even have to say who I got put next to?

"Eddie! Baby! Darling! Light of my fucking life!" Richie yelled. I suppose over the summer Richie learned a whole new set of words. I didn't know what they met, but I knew I wasn't suppose to say them.

"Richie you can't say that!" I scolded. What an idiot.

"Yes I can! I'm thanking the fucking aliens! I'm sitting next to my damn soulmate for an ENTIRE year! Life couldn't be more..uhm..bitchin'!" He smiled.

"You're disgusting. I'm telling." I said and raised my hand. Richie's face went pale, which was saying a lot because he was already pale. I'm so cool for thinking that insult. I'm gonna say it to his face.

"No no no Eds don't." Richie begged.

"Yes Mr. Kaspbrak?" The teacher said.

"Can I get some water?" I asked, giggling when I saw Richie's face flood with relief.

"No." He said and went back to teaching. How rude!

"You've got some fire in you now Eds! You're like a little..little..like a little firework!" He cheered and kissed a fat wet one on my cheek. I screeched and pulled out my hand sanitizer, covering my cheek in it.

"Gross! Absolutely nasty! You're gonna give me a morphodite!" I yelled. Suddenly a paper ball hit me in the face. I looked around to see Henry and his goons laughing at me. I opened the paper ball and read it.

**Faggot**

Richie read what the note said and showed him his middle finger.

"You're the reason people think I'm-" Richie covered my mouth when I started screaming, drawing everyone's attention on me.

"Mr. Kaspbrak! Is there something you would like to share with the class?" My teacher yelled. I shoved Richie's nasty hand off mouth and ran out the class. I heard the entire class laughing at me so I ran into a bathroom.

The girls bathroom.

"Uhm, hello?" A girl with red hair and blue eyes asked. I broke down sobbing onto the floor. I heard her footsteps slowly walk towards me. "Are you okay?"

"What does faggot mean?" I asked. I was dying to know. For two years Henry Bowers called me and no one ever told me what it meant, I just had to know.

"It means gay but it's just a ruder word for gay." She explained.

"What does gay mean?" I asked. She looked at me confused.

"Uhm well, gay means two boys like each other like a mom and dad do." She explained.

Suddenly I stopped crying and relief filled my chest. I wasn't gay! I've never had a crush on any boy so that means I'm not gay! This is great! I started laughing because I was just so happy.

"Are you okay..?" She asked again.

"Never better!" I cheered and stood up. "Thanks a lot.." I didn't know her name.

"Beverly, Beverly Marsh." She smiled. I nodded.

"Eddie, Eddie Kaspbrak." I smiled and shook her hand.

Richie didn't talk to me the entire week and I was grateful for that. I didn't want to talk to him either. Unfortunately the day after that he went up to me on recess and tapped my shoulder.

"Hi Eds." He smiled, it looked like he was holding something behind his back.

"Hi Richie..What do you want?" All I wanted to do was talk to my friend Stan since I rarely saw him anymore, was that so hard for Richie to understand?

"I made you this." He smiled. His cheeks were a bright pink, blushing. I made a mental note to ask Stan why someone blushed. He pulled out behind his back a bright red heart but it was weird..it was folded into a heart, not just cut out. There was also a folded rose.

"What's that?" I said confused.

"It's a orgasm heart and rose! I made it just for you." He said bashfully. He forced open my hand and placed the heart in it and the rose in the other. "Okay, bye now." He smiled and awkwardly walked back to his friend Bill.

"Ugh, disgusting. You should just throw that away." Stan said. I nodded and put it in my pocket, making sure to throw it away when I got home.

"Stan, why do people blush? How do people blush?" I asked.

"Have you ever seen a really pretty girl and felt your face got all warm?" He asked and I shook my head. "Oh, well whenever something good but also a little embarrassing happens, your face gets all pink." Stan explain.

"Oh okay." I nodded, suddenly Stan got a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Wanna play Oreo?" He asked.

"How do you play that?" I said confused.

"It's like Rock Paper Scissors but instead of saying 1,2,3 you say or-e-o! Loser has to..well I'll tell you after." He said. I nodded and we started playing. I lost causing Stan to laugh wildly.

"What? What is it?" I said confused.

"Oh man! This gonna be so funny!" Stan laughed.

"What?" I said annoyed.

"You have to kiss Richie."

I felt my stomach twist in obvious disgust. I shook my head and felt a bitter taste in my mouth. I would learn a few years later that Stan had lied, and that wasn't how you were suppose to play Oreo.

"Gross! Why would I-"

"C'mon you have to! Now do it!" He said and pushed me over. I slowly and awkwardly walked over to Richie and Bill, Richie's face brightened and I almost felt bad for him. Almost. He's the reason people think I'm gay.

"Hi Eddie Spaghetti! Did you like the gifts?" He asked.

"Yes it was..very nice..thank you." It was hard not to laugh, this was going to be so funny. "I actually..really liked your gift, a lot. Just like I like you." Richie's entire face turned pink at that and I felt proud of it.

"R-Really?" He smiled.

"Yeah, and I was wondering if..maybe I could give you your first kiss?" I asked. I wasn't going to kiss him, I was going to push him into the mud behind him. We'd laugh it off afterwards.

"Y-Yes! Oh darling there's nothing I want more!" He smiled. I leaned closer and put my hands on his shoulders. I felt my face go a bit warm but it was only because I was grossed out. Richie might have changed skin color he was so pink!

He leaned in, closed his eyes and puckered his lips. I did the same except I didn't close my eyes. Suddenly my grip on his shoulder tightened and I pushed him back into the mud. Bill gasped, Richie screamed, and everyone else laughed. This felt good.

Except it didn't feel good when Richie's face was bright red, and not pink anymore. His eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip quivered. Richie stood up out the mud and ran off the playground, or at least tried. He slipped and his face hit concrete. Richie cried loudly and suddenly I felt really bad. That certainly wasn't funny.  Bill turned to me fuming as Stan ran up towards me.

"Oh man! That was hilarious!" Stan laughed and Bill scoffed.

"H-Hilarious?! Y-You..You are the meanest person in the whole wide world! How dare you hurt Richie like that! It's not a joke unless the person you aim it is laughing, and he isn't. And you Stan! I can't even believe you would find this funny." Bill didn't let us respond because he ran off, possibly looking for Richie.

"Its okay Eds, that was funny." Stan said and patted my shoulder.

It certainly didn't feel funny. I went home that night confused and sad. I didn't understand why, Richie would probably leave me alone forever which is exactly what I wanted.

I pulled out the folded flower and heart, putting them in my desk. Maybe I wasn't the most fond of Richie, but he didn't deserve of that. I sighed and got up. I knew I had to make this up to Richie.

I was more than shocked when Richie didn't talk to me for the entire month. He didn't even look at me. I figured he was going to ignore me but not for an entire month! This was ridiculous.

The next day I went to his house and knocked on his door. Behind my back was a box of cupcakes with hearts on top made by my sister. Two girls who looked exactly alike opened the door.

"Hello?" The first one said.

"Oh hi, is Richie here?" I asked. The second one nodded.

"Richie! There's a tiny child here to see you!" The second one yelled. They left and Richie walked out with a smile on his face, that smiled dropped when he saw me.

"Oh. Hi Eddie." He said. "Thought you were Bill." I noticed his glasses had a piece of tape in the middle.

"No..Richie I'm really sorry..I didn't mean to make you that sad, it was just suppose to be a joke." I explained.

"Well it wasn't very funny." He said in an angry tone.

"I know..I brought you these." I said and handed him the box. I felt relief when I saw his cheeks have a bit of pink in them.

"What are these? Why did you bring them? Is there bombs in this?" Richie asked.

"No! I just want you to forgive me." I said.

"Why? So you can feel better about yourself?" Richie asked.

"Yeah that's a reason. But I also just don't want you to hate me." I said. I looked up at him and his face broke out into a smile.

"Aw Eds!" He sat down the cupcakes and jumped in front of me. "I could never hate you! Look at the cute fucking face! Cute, cute, cute!" Richie cooed and pinched his cheeks. I slapped his hands away. Man I hated it when Richie called me Eds, but I also sort of liked it too.

"So you forgive me then?" I asked.

"Hmm, on one condition. You have to be my first kiss." Richie said. I felt my face go warm.

"In your dreams Tozier." I said and jumped off his porch, running home.

"It certainly is."

**Richie**

In third grade I learned two things. How to make origami and that feelings are a lot harder to get rid of.

Summer was a blast. I hung out with my best friend the entire summer. One day when we were walking around we found a blue notebook next to a sewer drain. I picked it up and opened it.

**Cool Words**

**Fuck**

**Fucking**

**Damn**

**Ass**

**Bitchin**

**Shit**

"What do these words mean?" I asked.

"I'm n-not sure, my m-mommy says that the F-F word is a mean one though." Bill said.

"No, I don't think so. Look it says right here that these words are cool. Do you think Eddie will like it?” I asked and Bill shrugged.

“Don’t s-say it around G-Georgie, we’re trying to t-teach him w-words and I don’t n-need any of those being h-his first.” Bill said. I nodded and we continued walking.

I was more than thrilled to find out I had Eddie in my class again AND I got to sit next to him! I knew it was time I had to impress him.

“Eddie! Baby! Darling! Light of my fucking life!” I yelled. Eddie did not look happy with me. He went on about telling me how I wasn’t suppose to say those words. “Yes I can! I’m thanking the fucking aliens! I’m sitting next to my damn soulmate for an ENTIRE year! Life couldn’t be more..uhm..” I tried to think on how to finish and then the journal popped in my mind. “bitchin’!”

I suppose over the summer Eddie gained some fire in him because he almost told on me! But thankfully since Eddie loves me it was just a joke. I called him my little firework and kissed his cheek. He pretended to be grossed out but his face was warm.

Suddenly a note was thrown to Eddie. Eddie opened it and read it. I peaked over his shoulder and saw the word faggot written in. I remember in the notebook it said that showing of your middle finger is like an insult, so that’s what I did to Henry. Then Eddie started yelling at me and ran at the class.

I felt bad but mostly confused. What did I do wrong?When recess came I decided to ask Bill how I could impress Eddie.

“I-I could t-teach you o-origami?” Bill suggested.

“What’s orgasm?” I asked.

“No Richie, o-origami. It’s w-were you fold p-paper to make t-things. The easiest is a h-heart but I c-could show y-you h-how to do a r-rose.” Bill said.

“Can I do both?” I asked.

“S-Sure.”

So everyday for an entire week I worked on my orgasm. In the end Bill ended did the rose and most of the heart but it still looked really pretty. I liked it! One day I went up to Eddie during recess.

“What if he doesn’t like my orgasm?” I asked nervously.

“Richie it’s o-origami not orgasm, don’t say orgasm. N-Now go.” He said and pushed me. I hid the paper behind my back and went up to Eddie and that yucky frisbee boy.

"Hi Eds." I smiled. He looked at me with those big brown puppy eyes, very annoyed.

"Hi Richie..What do you want?" I really hope he likes his gifts, maybe if I’m lucky he’ll hold my hand.

"I made you this." I smiled. I could feel my face that my face was very warm, I hoped Eddie didn’t notice. That sure would be very embarrassing.

"What's that?" He said confused.

"It's a orgasm heart and rose! I made it just for you." I said bashfully. I forced open one hand and placed the heart in gently, then I opened his other hand and put the rose in. We were practically holding hands! "Okay, bye now." I smiled and quickly ran back to my friend Bill.

“You said o-orgasm didn’t you?” Bill asked.

“What was I suppose to say?” I asked confused. Bill shook his head in disappointment. “Do you wanna come over after school today?” Bill asked.

“Sure! I miss Georgie anyway, he’s cute.” But Eddie is cuter. Suddenly I saw Eddie walking over and my face brightened.

"Hi Eddie Spaghetti! Did you like the gifts?" I asked.

"Yes it was..very nice..thank you." He had a smile on his lips and it made me smile back. "I actually..really liked your gift, a lot. Just like I like you." My face felt very warm, my whole body felt warm. I could feel my heartbeat pick up. I could’ve started crying I was so happy!

"R-Really?" I smiled.

"Yeah, and I was wondering if..maybe I could give you your first kiss?" He asked. I could tell Bill was shocked but I was so happy. So excited. My Eddie was going to kiss me!

"Y-Yes! Oh darling there's nothing I want more!" I smiled. Eddie stepped closer and put his hands on my shoulders. I tried to control my breathing but it was definitely faster than normal.

I leaned in, closed my eyes, and puckered my lips. This was the moment I had been waiting for! At any second I was finally going to have my first kiss be with Eddie Kaspbrak, maybe we could even be boyfriends! That thought alone made me blush even more.

But his lips never came.

The grip on my shoulder tightened and suddenly I was being pushed back. I opened my eyes and not even a second later the back of my body was in cold yucky mud. I screamed, Bill gasped, and everyone laughed, including Eddie. How could he do this to me?

Instead of my face being warm it was hot, I was embarrassed. I felt my bottom lip quiver and wet hotness filled my eyes but I didn’t want to cry in front of Eddie. I stood up and tried running but I slipped on the mood and my face hit concrete. I screamed in pain and looked down to see my glasses broken in half. I picked them up and ran back to the classroom.

My mom came to pick me up and I was sobbing when I got to her. I had a small scrape on my cheek and she gasped when she saw my glasses.

“Baby! What happened?” I she asked and hugged me. I cried into her shoulder while she rubbed my back. When I was done explaining to her about my orgasm flowers and she looked at me with sad eyes. “Richie, sometimes the person you have a crush on can be a mean person. You just have to let this one go.”

Bill came over that same day and told me the same thing. He told me how he yelled at Eddie and Stanley which I found funny. I knew I wouldn’t get over Eddie quickly so I did what anyone would do, ignore him.

A month later I invited Bill to come over so we could practice our yo-yo skills. When my sisters Danielle and Delia told me a tiny child was here I assumed it was Bill.

Nope.

"Oh. Hi Eddie." I said. "Thought you were Bill." I noticed he was looking at my glasses confused.

"No..Richie I'm really sorry..I didn't mean to make you that sad, it was just suppose to be a joke." He explained.

"Well it wasn't very funny." I said in an angry tone. How dare he even try to do the joke.

"I know..I brought you these." He said and handed me a box. I was confused on why he brought mean a box, was there a diamond ring? My cheeks warmed up at the thought but I quickly shook it off.

"What are these? Why did you bring them? Is there bombs in this?" I asked.

"No! I just want you to forgive me." He said.

"Why? So you can feel better about yourself?" I asked.

"Yeah that's a reason. But I also just don't want you to hate me." He said. I know I should’ve still been mad at him but I realized that Eddie missed me! He doesn’t want me to hate him! I broke out into a smile.

"Aw Eds!" I sat down the box and jumped in front of me. "I could never hate you! Look at the cute fucking face! Cute, cute, cute!" I cooed and pinched his cheeks. He slapped my hands away but I saw how pink his cheeks were.

"So you forgive me then?" He asked. Suddenly I came up with a great idea.

"Hmm, on one condition. You have to be my first kiss." I said.

"In your dreams Tozier." He said and jumped off my porch, running home.

"It certainly is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don’t know if you’ve guys noticed but the more they get older, the longer the chapter gets. This chapter was around 3000 words long lol


	4. Bruises and Broken Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouchie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while to get out!

**Eddie**

I wish I never tried to get Richie to forgive me. It was a bad idea. For the rest of third grade he would put a heart shaped card in my desk everyday, Valentine’s Day was the worst.

Thankfully third grade ended and I could finally avoid Richie. I wasn’t going to get my hopes up for fourth grade, sure it was going to be cool, fun, but knowing my luck I would Richie in my class.

One day I was hanging out with Stanley, we were collecting coins, when Beverly Marsh came up to us. I hadn’t spoken to her much since the first day of third grade but she was really nice.

“Hi Eddie.” She smiled sweetly at me and Stan raised an eyebrow.

“Hi Bev.” I smiled back.

“So are you doing anything right now?” She asked. Stan coughed awkwardly.

“Uhm yeah, he’s hanging out with me.” Stan said rudely.

“Well she can join us Stanny.” I said.

“Oh I would love too!” She smiled and Stan rolled his eyes.

“Well you probably wouldn’t be interested in what we’re doing, we’re collecting coins.” Stan said.

“Oh I love coins.” Beverly reminded me of Richie, not knowing how to take a hint. They should be friends.

“Hi-Ho Silver! Away!”

“Jesus Bill slow the fuck down!”

We looked behind us to see Bill Denbrough on his bike, about to crash, with Richie chasing after him. Bill ended up crashing in a pile of garbage, gross.

“Oh, hiya Eds!” Richie smiled. I rolled my eyes.

“Hey Rich.” I said annoyed.

“H-Hello! I’m h-hurt!” Bill yelled. Richie walked over and helped Bill up.

“Sorry ‘bout that Bill.” Richie smiled.

“Oh Bill! It’s me Beverly.” Bill turned around and I noticed he was blushing when he saw Beverly.

“H-H-Hi B-B-Bev.” He smiled. She smiled back at him and turned to us.

“On second thought, I should really get going, but I’ll see you guys around.” Beverly winked at Bill and walked away.

“Yuck, Spaghetti I recommend staying away from her, I heard she has aids.” Richie said.

“Aids? Like a first aid kit? I love those.” I smiled. Richie shook his head.

“No no no, as in bumps on her,” Richie pointed down at his bottom area.

“B-Beep Beep Richie. Those are just rumors.” Bill defended her.

“Yeah right! You’re just saying that because you kissed her during the school play!” Richie said.

“Okay..Well it’s time for me and Eddie to go.” Stan said and pulled me away. I was thankful, I didn’t like being around Richie.

“They ruined our coin spot.” I sighed.

“I know.” Stan nodded. “Wanna go back to my house?” He asked. I nodded and we began walking there. About halfway through we ran into Henry Bowers.

“Hey wheezy.” Henry said, his other goons, Patrick and Belch, right behind him. They would always call me that nickname since I was always so out of breath.

“Hi Henry..We’re just trying to go home, right Stan?” I looked behind me to see Stan was gone. He had ran off in some other direction. “Oh no..”

“You want a head start?” He smiled.

“Please just let me go.” I whined. Suddenly they started counted down from three and I took off running. Thankfully my house wasn’t that far, only a few streets.

I really hated how true that nickname was for me. Not even a minute after running I was already out of breath. I felt my vision get blurry but I could see my house in the distance so I didn’t stop running.

“M-Mommy!” I screamed as loud as I could, hoping someone in my house would hear. Before I knew it I couldn’t breathe and I saw blackness.

I woke up in the hospital sometime later. My mother was crying and my dad looked worried. My sister looked confused.

“Oh Eddie!” She cried when she saw I was awake.

“Wha-What happened?” I asked.

“We aren’t really sure, I heard you screaming so I went outside and saw you pass out.” Barb said.

“Eddie, you have asthma.” My dad said.

Asthma? What the heck is asthma? Was it like aids?

“Whenever you feel out of breath, scared, or feel your heartbeat pick up, use this.” My mom said and pulled out some weird red L shape thing. “It’s an inhaler. Press here and it’ll give you medicine, you’ll feel better.” My mom said.

“What’ll happen if I don’t?” I asked.

“You’ll die.” Barb said.

“Barbara!” My mom yelled. “Don’t listen to her Eddie bear, you’re not gonna die.”

“Well, not yet-”

“BARBARA!”

Fourth grade came around and I was terrified. Since I had asthma, I wasn’t aloud to do PE anymore, which sucked. I actually enjoyed it. Once again, Richie was in my class but I wasn’t really surprised. Thankfully I had Stan in my class and there was a new student at our school. I wanted to be friends with him Henry Bowers stole him. His name was Victor. During recess Richie came up to me and hugged me from behind.

“Gross Richie! Get off me!” I shoved him off and turned around but I saw he was crying.

“Eddie! Please walk home with me! Please! Walk home with me forever!” He was sobbing and I was really confused. Before I could question him Bill was running up to Richie. Bill pulled Richie away, with Richie still crying.

“What was that?” Stan asked confused and I shrugged.

“I have no idea.” I said honestly and went back on the monkey bars.

About a month later I was walking home from school. It was a five minute walk, we lived close. Plus it was relaxing. It was a weird day. I heard from the playground that when I get older, I’m going to have hair under my arms and my thingy is gonna be as big as a straw. But like a big straw. That’s what I heard from my friend Lucas.

“Hey wheezy.” My voice cringed at the voice. I knew it was Bower’s gang and I could already feel fear building up, I gripped my inhaler.

“Hey Henry.” I said and turned around.

“What’s that suppose to mean!?” He screamed and pushed me on the ground. I felt tears prick my eyes so I pulled out my inhaler but before I could take a puff Patrick snatched it out my hand.

“The fuck is this?” Patrick asked.

“That’s mine, please give it back! I’ll die without it!” I cried. Patrick and Henry looked at each other before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it. In under a second Blech was picking me up and threw me against a brick wall.

“No! Please stop!” I cried. Henry walked to me and squatted down.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a faggot, this wouldn’t happen to you.” Henry laughed.

“I’m not a faggot!” I yelled.

“Shut up!” Patrick yelled. Suddenly I felt a throbbing pain in my eye and I realized Henry had punched me.

I prepared myself for one of them to hit me again and closed my eyes, but it never came. Instead I heard a scream and yelling.

“What the fuck! The kid just stabbed me!”

“Beat him!”

I put my head in my arms as I waited for it to be over. I heard cracking sounds and screams and it was only making things worst. I really couldn’t breathe. Suddenly it all stopped so I looked up. Bowers gang was gone but I saw glasses broken in half on the ground next to-

Next to Richie.

I scrambled up and ran over to Richie, trying to control my breathing. But I couldn’t. When Richie saw me he stood up and pulled out an inhaler, putting it to my mouth. I quickly grabbed it and inhaled the medicine, already feeling better. I looked up at Richie to see he had a black eye too, he had a bloody nose, and his lip was cut open.

“Chee! Are you okay!” I panicked and looked at his face. So much blood blood blood. Richie tried to speak but he ended up passing out. Before he could hit the ground I caught him and picked up his glasses. I tried to carry him back to my house but he was too heavy. Suddenly Bill Denbrough came out of nowhere.

“I’m h-here! I’m h-here! Sorry I’m late-..oh j-jeez..” Bill looked around and walked over to me.

“What happened!? What’s going on?” I said confused.

“We need to get Richie back to hishouse. I’ll help you carry him.” Bill said and I nodded. After walking in silence for 4 minutes we reached his house. Bill knocked on the door and his mother opened it, gasping.

“Richie!?” She had tears in her eyes and put Richie in her arms. Suddenly his dad and sisters came out and Bill turned to me.

“G-Go home Eddie.” Bill said and walked into Richie’s house, closing the door.

It didn’t seem very fair. I was so unbelievably confused. What happened to Richie and why couldn’t I know?

**Richie**

After Eddie apologized, I had a feeling he was in love with me too! So everyday I would write him a love poem, I think he liked them.

The day after third grade ended I was walking around with Bill. We passed by a bike place and Bill gripped on my shoulder.

"R-Rich look! Look at that sweet big bike." Bill said.

"Bill don't be a dumbass. That's a bike for big kids. We're 9." I said.

"So w-what? That d-doesn't mean we can't l-learn, c'mon!" I groaned and Bill pushed me in the store. He went up to the big bike and I went up to a smaller bike. I liked how it looked. I made sure to ask for it for my birthday. I went back to Bills bike and saw it was 25$.

"Bill that's way too expensive, let's leave." I said but shook his head and pulled out two twenties. "What the hell!? Where'd you get money like that?!"

"My dad's wallet, I'm buying this bike." As much as I tried talking him out of it, he wasn't listening. So we bought that damn bike. The next week Bill and I were trying to decide a name for it.

"How about Pedals?" Bill suggested. 

"Hell no, that's a horrible name. What about warhammer?" I asked and he slapped me for that.

"Don't be stupid, that's a horrible name." He scolded. I shrugged and went back to picking at my scabs. 

"We can think of a name later, let's go practice riding it." I nodded. We went to go get the bike but Bills younger brother came out his room. He was around two and was already talking quote a lot.

"Biwwy! Why weave?" He asked.

"I-I'm just going somewhere, I-I'll be b-back soon buddy." Bill said and we left.

Bill rolled the bike next to him until we found a nice spot to practice riding it. I helped him and he had a death grip on the bars.

"I-I don't know h-how to r-ride a bike." Bill confessed.

"Just put your feet on the pedals and, well pedal." I said. Bill nodded and put his feet on it. He pressed down on the pedals and started smiling.

"Hi-Ho Silver! Away!" I accidentally let go of the bike and before I knew it he was pedaling faster than I could keep up.

"Jesus fuck Bill slow down!" I called after him. Bill rose in an ally way and I ran after him. When I ran there I saw Stan, Beverly Marsh, and my Eddie. 

"Oh, hiya Eds!" I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"Hey Rich." He said annoyed. My heart swooned at the nickname. 

"H-Hello! I'm h-hurt!" Bill yelled. 

I turned my head to Bill to see him lying in a pile of trash. I walked over to him and picked him up. 

"Sorry 'bout that Bill." I smiled.

"Oh Bill! It's me Beverly." Bill turned around and I saw his smile got a bit wider and he was wiper his hands on his shorts.   
"H-H-Hi B-B-Bev." He smiled. I laughed to myself, his crush was so obvious. Suddenly she turned back to Eddie and Stan.

"On second thought, I should really get going, but I'll see you guys around." 

Beverly winked at Bill and walked away. I rolled my eyes, I had the feeling she wanted to steal my Eddie and I wasn't going to have that.   
"Yuck, Spaghetti I recommend staying away from her, I heard she has aids." I warned.

"Aids? Like a first aid kit? I love those." I smiled. I shook his head.

"No no no, as in bumps on her," I pointed down at my wang area.

"B-Beep Beep Richie. Those are just rumors." Bill defended her.

"Yeah right! You're just saying that because you kissed her during the school play!" I said. It was true, critics say you can't fake passion like that. 

"Okay..Well it's time for me and Eddie to go." Stan said and pulled Eddie away. I sighed and leaned against the wall.

"Do you think he'll ever feel the same way?" I asked, I was starting to think maybe Eddie wasn't gay.

"Nope." Bill said, popping the P.

"Hey!" I said offended and slapped his shoulder.

"Y-You wanted h-honesty." He shrugged. 

When fourth grade came around I sighed in relief when I saw Eddie in the same class as me again. It was like we were fate. 

Then Greta Bowie came up to me.

"Hi Richie." She smiled. 

"Hi." I smiled back at her.

"Did you hear about Bower's gang?" She asked.

"No?" I said confused and she giggled.

"Rumor has it they're gonna beat Eddie so bad this year, he'll have to move states." She says and suddenly I felt anger.

"What!? Why!" I screamed.

"I may or may not have told them I saw him kissing that fag Stanley Uris." She said. I shook my head and slapped her.

"Richard Tozier!"

I had to get an F for the day but I could care less. I needed to tell Eddie what Henry was going to do to him but before I could Bill grabbed my wrist.

"W-What the heck was that!? W-Why did you slap her?" Bill said confused.

"She's told Bower's gang a lie and now they're gonna kill Eddie!" I started crying.

"What?! That's c-crazy, we n-need to tell the teacher." Bill said.

"No! They won't believe me! I need to tell Eddie!" I whined but Bill stopped me.

"No! It's going to freak him out, let's just go tell a teacher." Richie shook his head and pushed Bill off of him. I ran to Eddie, crying, and hugged him from behind. 

"Gross Richie! Get off me!" He shoved me off and turned around. He looked confused when he saw me crying.

"Eddie! Please walk home with me! Please! Walk home with me forever!" I begged. Before I could explain what was going on, Bill grabbed me and pulled me away. 

"Are you c-crazy!? You e-either just s-scared Eddie or c-confused him.” Bill sighed.

“I dunno what to do!” I cried.

“Oh jeez, o-okay new plan. We g-gotta watch Eddie g-go home everyday to make sure B-Bower’s gang doesn’t attack him.” Bill said.

“And if they do?” I asked.

“Then we attack them!” Bill explained. I nodded my head in agreement and for the rest of the day we planned what our weapons would be. We had very sharp pencils and a yo-yo to knock them out with.

One day when we were getting ready to leave Bill grabbed my arm.

“I gotta s-stay a-after school f-for a bit. Need to t-talk to someone.” Bill said. I nodded and watched Eddie go home.

I always made sure to be very far behind him so he wouldn’t see me. I wasn’t stalking him, I was just watching him so he wouldn’t be hurt. I didn’t want my Eddie to be in pain. Suddenly I tripped over my shoelaces.

I thought back to when Bill tied his shoes, I didn’t really know how. I would just tape them together. Bill would tell me to make bunny ears and and then cross them, pulling one bunny ear. So I did that and it worked! It looked like I had bunny ears on my shoe and it made me giggle. I am so fucking cool. 

I started to walk faster to catch up to Eddie but I didn’t see him anywhere. I began to walk forward but I noticed something hit my shoe. I looked down to see a smushed inhaler and I gasped. 

When Bill and I found out what Bower’s was planning we sneaked into a pharmacy and stole an inhaler, Incase this would happen. 

I heard a loud cry and turned my head to the left to see Henry Bowers punch Eddie. I ran over quickly before anything else could happen and jammed the sharp pencil in one of their legs. 

“What the fuck! The kid just stabbed me!” Patrick yelled.

“Beat him!” I tried to run but Victor slammed me on the ground and sat on my stomach, making it difficult to breathe. Suddenly Henry took my already broken glasses and broke them again. I cried as Henry spat in my face and suddenly I felt pain all over my face. The rest was a blur until I heard them walking away laughing. 

Suddenly Eddie came up to me and I heard his breathing wasn’t working. Even though it hurt, I forced myself to sit up and handed Eddie an inhaler, putting it in his mouth. Then I passed out.

When I woke up I was laying in my bed I saw my mom and Bill.

“J-Jesus Richie! Y-You scared us!” Bill sighed in relief.

“What happened?” My mom asked and I smiled.

“I’m like a knight in shimming armor mama.”


	5. Mini Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! I’ve just been really busy lately but I’ll try to go back to my regular schedule

**Eddie**

Sometimes I wonder if I should just be home schooled. I wouldn't have to deal with Henry, Richie and I could just hangout with Stan! That sounds like a dream come true. But since my parents like to ruin my life, I still have to go to fifth grade.

I was..actually excited. It was my last year as a elementary schooler and then I would go to junior high, being a big kid. I'm basically an adult now.

The first half of fifth grade was pretty much how I expected it. Richie was in my class, Henry bullied me, and Stan and I continue being cool kids.

When April came around, it was a weird day. They took all the girls and one class and the boys in a different one. I sat next to Stan confused.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I'm not sure." Stan whispered. "All I know is we're gonna watch a video and get 'The Talk'. Whatever the hell that means." Stan shrugged and I gasped.

"Stanny! You swore!" I said shocked.

"Everyone swears now Eddie. It's cool." Stan shrugged. Suddenly a male teacher walked in.

"Alright boys, or shall I say men? Today we are going to be learning about the best years of your life! Puberty!" He did finger guns in an awkward way.

"What's puberty?" I asked and Stan shrugged. The teacher looked through a binder before grabbing a lot of photos.

"Okay, so.." The teacher taped up a diagram of-

WHAT IN DEAR LORD IS THAT!?

"Now, this here is called a penis. Every boy has one. As you get older the penis will get bigger and hairy. That type of hair is pubic hair." This was nasty, I didn't like it. Nope, not one bit. Suddenly Richie raised his hand. "Yes Richie?"

"Is it true boys bleed out their dick holes?" Richie asked and the entire class broke into "Ews" including me.

"No Richie..That's just..No..Anyways as you grow older your voice will get deeper, manlier. You may experience..certain dreams of a lady- yes Richie?" The teacher groaned.

"What if I have dreams about a boy?" He asked.

"No Richie I'm not talking about happy dreams, you'll see what I mean when you get older." He sighed. "You'll get hair in places like on your legs and on your armpits."

For an hour the teacher explained what this puberty thing was, I was not excited. The worst part is he said it starts when I'm twelve! I'm frickin eleven! You might as well make me eat Lima beans for the rest of my life.

The teacher also mentioned something called a boner? Apparently it's when my thingy perks up, that sounds terrifying! What if it falls off? I almost started crying when he explained that. I decided to go to the person I trust more than anyone else, Stan. Stan would definitely help me and understand.

"Yeah I have no clue." He shrugged.

"Do you think there's a medication that can stop it?" I asked.

"Maybe, it probably costs hundreds of dollars though." He said. I groaned. Suddenly a dirty hand tapped my shoulder.

"Hi Richie.." I said miserably.

"Hi Eds! Guess what?" He smiled.

"What Richie?" I said uninterested.

"I get thirteen boners a day!” Richie smiled and I gagged.

“Ew!” I said disgusted. “Get away from me! You probably have aids.” I pushed him on the ground but Richie got up joyfully.

“Give me a kiss Eddie spaghetti!” Richie leaned in and puckered his lips, causing me to scream and run. Richie chases after me all recess.

 

**Richie**

Girls are gross, yucky. They smell like cottage cheese. Bill has a crush on Beverly and I’m not sure why, she’s not the Bees Knees, Eddie is.

I was not excited for fifth grade. All it meant was more school work and closer to become an old person. That sounded boring, I don’t want that! The only thing I was excited for was Eddie! He was always in my class every year which was another reason why I wasn’t excited for junior high, there’s multiple classes which means I can’t see him every day! Life is hard.

One day in April we got brought into a room. I sat in the very back with Bill while Eddie sat in the front. He looked really pretty that day. He had the cutest jacket on! I really love him.

"Okay, so.." The teacher taped up a diagram of-

Oh hey! I have that! I smiled proudly at having the same thingy as the diagram.

"Now, this here is called a penis. Every boy has one. As you get older the penis will get bigger and hairy. That type of hair is pubic hair." Suddenly I remembered something Greta Keene told me, and I was curious to see if it was true so I raised my hand. "Yes Richie?"

"Is it true boys bleed out their dick holes?" Richie asked and the entire class broke into "Ews", even Eddie! That made me sad, I was just asking a question.

"No Richie..That's just..No..Anyways as you grow older your voice will get deeper, manlier. You may experience..certain dreams of a lady-”

Wait I don’t dream of girls, I dream of Eddies! Eddies don’t smell like cottage cheese, they smell like strawberries. I raised my hand again.

"What if I have dreams about a boy?" I asked.

"No Richie I'm not talking about happy dreams, you'll see what I mean when you get older." He sighed. "You'll get hair in places like on your legs and on your armpits."

Hair on my armpits!? Where else would I get hair! On my fingers? On my eyes? On my mouth!? This was gross. I don’t want a hairy mouth.

When it was over I went to recess with Bill but he was acting weird, I didn’t know why. When I went to go talk to Eddie he stopped me, and I got my answer.

“Richie..Are you g-gay?” He asked and I blinked in confusion.

“Of course! What do ya mean? I’ve been in love with Eddie since first grade, you know that?” I said confused and Bill shook his head.

“No I know it’s just..A-Are you s-sure you don’t m-maybe just w-wanna be friends with E-Eddie and y-you’re getting it c-confused with romantic f-f-feelings?” Bill said.

“No! I know how I feel Bill!” Richie pouted, confused. “Why does it matter if i’m gay? ‘M no different than everyone else.”

“N-No I know..J-Just that some people are h-homophobic.” Bill said.

“What does homophobic mean? Like scared of homes?” I asked.

“No it m-means that y-you hate gay people, t-to the point where y-you want t-them to die.” Bill explained and Richie gasped.

“That’s horrible!” I gasped. “Are you homophobic?” I asked and Bill shook his head.

“N-No. I just w-wanted to k-know if you were gay.” Bill said and I nodded.

“Do you think telling Eddie I get 13 boners a day will make him think I’m cool?” I asked and Bill shrugged.

“Maybe.” Bill said and I smiled. I skipped on over and tapped his shoulder. He looked unhappy to me.

"Hi Richie.." He said.

"Hi Eds! Guess what?" I smiled at him.

"What Richie?" He said. Was he annoyed at me?

"I get thirteen boners a day!” I smiled and he gagged.

“Ew!” Eddie said disgusted. “Get away from me! You probably have aids.” Eddie pushed me on the ground, hard. At first I was sad but then I remembered my mom telling me that if boys tease girls, it means they like them! I’m pretty much a girl. So I got up joyfully and tried to have my first kiss.

“Give me a kiss Eddie spaghetti!” I leaned in and puckered my lips, causing Eddie to scream and run. I chased after him all recess.

**Eddie**

 

Fifth grade was coming to an end and I couldn’t be more relieved. The day of his fifth graduation he got a permission slip. Apparently all the fifth grades were going to New York as a celebration. They obviously needed permission for this and a lot of parent volunteers. I ran home that day and begged my mom to go.

“No.” She said sternly.

“Mommy please! I’ve wanted to go to New York since an hour ago! Please!” I begged and begged. Just when I thought she wasn’t going to let me, my dad stepped.

“Oh come on Sonia, he’s going to be a tween soon. You can be a parent volunteer and watch. It sounds like a good opportunity for Eddie.” My dad said and I nodded.

“Yeah!” I smiled.

“Fine.”

An hour later we were driving for my fifth grade graduation. My mom made me wear a white suit, I felt way too overdressed. I saw Stan and we started talking about how cool it was that we were going to be in junior high. I kept noticing Richie staring at me, which was really weird.

The trip to New York was a week after school ended. Stan was going as well, I really hoped we were going to share a room together. We were going to be in New York for 6 days. We had to take a long plane ride.

When we got to the hotel one of the teachers started listing off who was going to be with. I mostly just wanted to know if I was going to be with Stan.

“Bill Denbrough and Will Byers.”  
“Stanley Uris and Mike Hanlon.”  
“Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak.”

Oh of course. Of course I’m with Richie! The stalker! The booger eater! The four eye freak! The fag! The worst part was we had to share a bed. I hope I don’t catch a disease from him. 

When we walked into the hotel room I sat down on the bed and Richie sat down next to me. I scooted away and he sighed. 

“Some people are sneaking out into the living room to play truth or dare. It’s gonna be Me, Bill, Stan, Mike H, Beverly, Ben, Max, Will, Mike W, Dustin, Lucas, Jane, and I think that’s all. Wanna join?” He asked. Why didn’t Stan tell me about this?

“I don’t know, it sounds risky.” I shrugged but Richie shook his head.

“No! It’ll be fun! Please!” He whined and I rolled my eyes at his annoying voice. Whatever.

“Fine.” I groaned. 

At 10 pm everyone snuck out in the mini living room and sat in a circle. I knew some of these people from my class but I also saw some strangers.

“Okay the game goes like this.” A girl named Max, explained. “Person A will spin a bottle and whoever the bottle lands on will be person B. Person A asks person B ‘truth or dare’ and then, well you guys know how the rest plays out. I’ll go first. 

It was a crazy game! Stan had to lick his own foot, Dustin admitting to having a crush on our teacher, and Bill had to kiss some girl named Audra. It was a weird game. When it was Beverlys turn the bottle landed on Richie.

“Richie, truth or dare?” Beverly asked.

“Uhm dare.” He shrugged. 

“I dare you..to kiss the cutest person in here on the lips.” She smiled and Richie blushed, his eyes going towards me. My eyes widened and I looked down. 

“Uhm I change my mind, truth.” Richie smiled awkwardly and Beverly rolled her eyes.

“Fine, who is the cutest person in this room?” She asked. Please don’t say me, please don’t say me, please don’t-

“Eddie.”

**Richie**

Something clicked inside me during the month of May. I was 80% sure Eddie didn’t return my feelings. I don’t know when I realized it, I just did.

When we got the permission slip for the field trip to New York I was lesser than excited. I just wanted to start my summer already, I didn’t need to go to a different state!

But my parents made me go, saying how I would end up having a lot of fun. So I made Bill go as well. 

“Hey Bill?” I asked. It was graduation day and I had to ask Bill a question.

“Yeah?” He responded and I sighed.

“Do you think Eddie likes me..?” I asked, scared. 

“R-Richie..I-I think you can d-do better than E-Eddie. He’s been n-nothing but a bully towards you, I-I don’t even get why you like him.” Bill said.

“That’s not what I asked..” I mumbled.

“No Richie, I don’t think he has feelings for you.” 

It hit me like a ton of bricks but..deep down I think I knew, I think I’ve always known I just didn’t want to admit it.

Graduation wasn’t fun. I couldn’t stop staring at Eddie, he looked really handsome, even if he was over dressed. 

When I found out I had to share a room with Eddie I was happy! I get to be sharing a room with Eddie! The beautiful boy across my street! The boy I’ve been in love with since 1st grade! The boy who’s walking around with me first kiss! The boy who I‘m pretty sure is my soulmate.

I was hoping tonight I would get my answer if Eddie has feelings for me or not.

I got my answer when we were playing Truth or dare.

When Beverly dared me to kiss Eddie I felt my heart flutter. I looked over to see his reaction and..I wasn’t stupid. I knew he looked completely and utterly disgusted. So I picked truth and Beverly pretty much asked me who I was going to kiss. When I looked over at Eddie, I knew he didn’t have feelings for me.

“Eddie.” I answered.

But I still had feelings for him.


	6. Dates and Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y’all aren’t ready for future chapters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m just gonna upload twice a week at least. I’ll probably do more but yeh

Eddie

Over the summer Stan and I came up with an idea that would most definitely make Richie stay away for good. 

"You should date Greta Keen!" Was his idea. At first, I was against it. She was really rude and smelled like bathroom soap. 

"Why on earth would I do that?" I asked.

"Everyone knows Richie hates her and she has a big fat crush on you." Stan explained. I felt myself blush and smile a bit. 

"When should I ask her out?" I asked.

"First day of school, in front of Richie. He'll back off. You just gotta date her for..Uh six years but it can't be that." He shrugged and I nodded.

All throughout summer Richie tried to get me to go up some stupid tree. It was really ugly and long and big, kinda like Richie. 

It all started when I saw him up there one day. I had lost my kite and went looking for it but Richie was in the tree, holding it with a toothy grin.

"Oh! You found my kite." I smiled. Richie nodded and dropped it down.

"Eds you have to come up here..The sight is so beautiful." He sighed and my eyes widened.

Dear god, anything but that. That sounds like a repeat of first grade. Richie and Eddie sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. No, I would lose all my friends and reputation so fast. You might as well make me eat Brussel Sprouts for the rest of my life.

"I-I can't! My mom wants me..home!" I lied and ran off.

When the first day of 6th grade happened, it started off weird. Richie’s stupid tree was at my bus stop so he climbed up the tree and sat. I thought it was weird at first until I heard him yell,

“The bus is three blocks away!”

Richie would yell how much closer the bus was, it was really annoying. When it was one block away he climbed down and got on the bus just in time.

I saw Greta Keen walking by herself. Richie saw me and shyly waved, which meant I had his attention. I ran up to Greta and grabbed her wrist. 

"Hey Greta!" I smiled and she smiled back.

"Hi Eddie." She giggle while blushing. She was wearing way too much lip gloss, it was practically on her tooth. 

"So..I heard you have a crush on me and I..I may or may not feel the same." I said and grabbed her hand. In the corner of my eye and I saw Richie rush past me, I really hoped he heard what I said. 

"Really?" She said happily and I nodded my head. 

"Do you wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend?" I asked and she nodded.

"Can we hug?" She responded. I said yes and we hugged, it was nice. It was a good day, I got my first girlfriend and for the first time, Richie wasn't in all my classes, he was only in three and there was five in total. 

Stan's place definitely worked. Whenever I would walk near him he would speed walk away towards Bill. 

One time I was walking with Greta in the hall. She was rambling about how her bitch mom wouldn't let her get her nose pierced. I saw Richie at his locker so I quickly interlocked Greta's fingers with mine. She blushed and giggled but continued on. When Richie saw slammed his locker shut and walked away.

The plan really was working perfectly. 

Until my supposedly best friend Stanley Uris stepped in the picture. 

I didn't really understand what he was doing? Or why he was doing it in the first place? It was literally his idea for me to date her! So why was he doing this?

Every time I tried to confront him about he would brush me off and changed the subject. It really sucked.

In February I broke my arm. 

I was riding bikes with Stan when one day the wheel got caught and I was flipping over fast. I tried to save myself while sticking my arm out and bam broken arm. What a great way to start a new year. 

Richie 

Ever since I was little I always admired the sycamore tree. It was so beautiful. One day I saw a kite fly up there. I noticed it was Eddies kite and since I wasn’t afraid to climb up a tree, I tried to get it.

The branch I climbed up on was..really high but I didn’t mind. When I looked around I saw the view, the beautiful view. It truly was magnificent. I really like the view, you could see the whole town and it made me smile.

"Oh! You found my kite." He smiled. I nodded and dropped it down.

"Eds you have to come up here..The sight is so beautiful." I sighed.

"I-I can't! My mom wants me..home!" He said and ran off.

I’m aware he doesn’t have feelings for me like I do for him, but sometimes I wonder if he even likes being my friend.

By the time 6th grade started, I had learned to control myself. I wasn’t jumping him or tried kissing him. I realized if I wanted him to like me, I couldn’t force him to be with me. On the first day of 6th grade I was going to go up and asked if we could at least by friends. 

I felt a little shy around him but I waved and smiled. Instead of getting any response back, he grabbed Greta Keen’s wrist. What the fuck? I decided to easy drop so I walked a little closer.

"Hey Greta!”

"Hi Eddie."

"So..I heard you have a crush on me and I..I may or may not feel the same." When I saw him grabbed her hand I stormed away. This wasn’t fair. Greta never even talked to Eddie, she was a bitch to him in grade school! She’s the reason Bowers hurt him! And Eddies likes her? What did she have that I don’t? I decided to ask Bill.

“Richie, E-Eddie isn’t into g-g-guys, that’s why he d-doesn’t like y-you.” Bill said.

“Well- it still isn’t fair! I’m was always giving Eddie affections and he would push me into mud! Why does Greta have that I don’t?” I scoffed, stupid fuckin Greta.

“Boobs.” Bill clarified.

“Do you think if I shove coconuts in my shirt he’ll like me?” I asked.

“Richie no!” He sighed. “What happened to playing hard to get? That’s how all the girls get boyfriends. Greta played hard to get and look what happened.” He said and I knew he was right. No one wants to date an easy whore so I decided to ignore him.

Every time I saw Greta with my Eddie it felt like my heart was breaking. One time I saw Eddie hold her hand, so I slammed my locker shut and ran into the bathroom. I started crying which was really embarrassing.

Eddie

Stan was acting weird lately. He was giving me random things for no reason and I didn’t understand why. He would also compliment me.

A week after I broke my wrist I was getting a drink of water when I felt someone tap my shoulder, I turned around to see my girlfriend Greta.

“Oh Eddie! What happened to your arm?” She asked.

“Oh I fell and it broke.” I shrugged and she pouted.

“How come no one has signed it?” She asked. When I asked Stan to sign it he declined, I didn’t know why. It made me really sad.

“I didn’t want it to get dirty.” I lied.

“I’ll sign it for you!” She smiled and pulled out a black sharpie. “Close your eyes, I want it to be a surprise.”

I closed my eyes and heard the sharpie write. Greta is actually nice, I don’t know why Richie doesn’t like her. Plus she has a lot of hair. 

“Okay open them.” 

I opened my eyes and looked down, frowning in confusion when I saw what she wrote.

LOSER  
-From your EX girlfriend 

“G-Greta wh-” Suddenly I felt a sting on my cheek and I realized she slapped me.

“Stanley Uris told me what you’re up to, dick. Find someone else to use.” She said and stormed away.

What the hell Stan?! How could he do that to me! It was his idea in the first place..

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I realized I would have LOSER on my cast for the next two months. I quickly ran into the library where I found Stan.

“Hey Eddie! What’s-” His eyes drifted down to my cast. “Oh..”

“What the fuck Stan! How could you!? It was your fucking idea in the first place!” It was the first time I ever swore out loud and Stan knew it.

“I’m sorry Eddie..I was mad at you when I told her..” He said guiltily.

“M-Mad at me!? What did I do!” I yelled.

“Oh well I thought you ate my cookie but..turns out it was my brother.” He smiled awkwardly.

“I can’t believe you! Look what she wrote on my cast!” I whined.

“I’m sorry..”

We were friends again a week later but I every time I looked at my cast, I was reminded of how much of I loser I really was.

Ever since I broke up with Greta, Richie was getting creepier. He was sniffing me! He sat behind me in math and he sniffed me! What kind of weirdo sniffed people. When I was sitting down for math one day he stood up and grabbed my cast.

“What happened?” He asked confused.

“I fell and broke it.” I explained but he shook his head.

“No I mean why did Greta write loser?” He asked.

“Why don’t you mind your own business Richie?” I snapped. He smiled and took out a red sharpie. “Hey! What are you doing!” But I knew he was signing it. When he was done he sat back down behind me, sniffing my hair again. I decided to look what he wrote.

LOVER  
-Richie

He crossed out the S and scratched out Greta’s name. That made me smile slightly.

Richie

I continued waiting in the bus every day in the sycamore tree. It was calm, quite, and relaxing. I would always try to get Richie to come up but he would always have an excuse.

One day when I was walking around on the halls I saw Greta slap Eddie. I realized that must’ve meant Eddie broke up with her and she didn’t take it well. That made me giggle a little bit. 

One day Bill had called me over, it sounded like he was crying so I rushed over. When I got there it was confirmed he was crying.

“What’s wrong?” I asked confused.

“It’s G-Georgie..” He cried.

“What happened? Is he okay?” I asked worried. Georgie was like a little sibling to me. Bill shook his head

“He-He has c-c-c-cancer!” He sobbed. I wrapped my arms around him and held him in my chest while he cried. “The d-d-doctors s-say there’s a possibility he w-will l-l-live b-but..he can still die!”

I nodded and ran my fingers through his hair. I wanted to cry too but this wasn’t about me, it was about Bill.

When Greta and Eddie broke up Eddie starting being nice to me again. He would say hi to me every time he sat down for math, it would always make my dad. 

One day I leaned over to see if I could see the board better but I was able to smell Eddie shampoo. It was really nice, it smelled like sweet avocados.

When I noticed Eddie was getting up to leave I saw the loser written on his cast. It made me feel sad so I decided to fix it. 

The next day I went up to him and grabbed his cast, a red sharpie in my back pocket. 

“What happened?” I asked confused. I knew Eddie and Greta broke up but why would Eddie let Greta sign it if he was going to dump her?

“I fell and broke it.” He explained but I shook my head.

“No I mean why did Greta write loser?” I asked.

“Why don’t you mind your own business Richie?” He yelled. He smiled and took out a red sharpie. He was always a little shy. “Hey! What are you doing!” 

I began writing over the S in loser and put a V instead. Then I crossed out her name and put mine. When I was done and put my sharpie away and sat back down, getting a small sniff of his hair. 

I spent the whole 6th grade smelling that scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna be fucking wild and I apologize in advance.


	7. Puberty sucks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! This chapter has sexually hinted themes but NOTHING SEXUAL IS HAPPENING BETWEEN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie I updated the day after I updated finally

Eddie

I didn't Richie the entire summer and I wasn't sure why. Not that I was complaining because I most definitely was not. Stan and I made up, he baked me a box of cookies so, we were chill. It was nice not seeing Richie and hanging it with Stan.

Of course it all came to end on the first day of 7th grade. I already knew Richie was up the stupid tree so I didn't bother looking. I didn't see what he looked like until I walked into my 2nd period, theatre. 

My heart stopped.

What the fuck..? What the fuck!?

Richie was..He wasn't ugly anymore. What the fuck? Was this that puberty shit the teacher was talking about? 

He got rid of his thick rimmed glasses for contacts, which got rid of his bug eyes. I never realized he had freckles like me but his were different in a way I couldn't explain. He was a lot taller, like Jesus! His hair that was rarely even wavy was curled, messy and his hair went past his ear! He ditched the stupid shirts and dressed in band shirts.

Richie..Richie looked good. 

But this doesn't change anything! Richie is still Richie. The same annoying kid from first grade. The same kid that sniffed my hair last year. The same kid that caused me to have no friends for a year. I hate Richie and just because he has one less bad feature doesn't make him any less worse. 

He looked up at me and smiled. "Hi Eddie." He said and waved slightly. God even his voice was different.

I panicked and ran out the class. Why couldn't I at least have no classes with Richie? Like, ever? This wasn't fair..

What if you're gay? The back of my mind said but I shook my head.

I'm not gay. I'm allowed to find the same sex attractive, there is nothing wrong with that, at all. It may be a little faggy but if I kept it as a secret, no one would know. Plus I've had a girlfriend before so I'm not gay.

I sighed out in relief at fixing my problems and went on with my day. 

Around December I noticed Richie wasn't sitting with anyone and I remember he was friends with that stuttering kid. Then I realized I hadn't see that kid all year, I guess he moved. Which meant Richie didn't have friends anymore. I felt bad, it must suck not having a best friend anymore. Sure he was sitting with other kids but he was still alone, by himself.

"Hey Stan," I said and tugged on his sleeve to get his attention.

"Yeah?" He said and sipped his chocolate milk.

"We should go sit with Richie." I suggested and he choked on his chocolate milk.

"Are you insane!? Richie hasn't annoyed us all year! And you wanna got sit with him? He probably doesn't even have feelings for you anymore, sitting with him will make him think you like him." Stan said. I looked back sadly. Stan was right. It would look weird. 

Richie

It was a horrible summer for me. And for Bill. His little brother had died. I spent the entire summer making sure he was okay but he wouldn't speak anymore. He went mute. It hurt me too, I loved Georgie but I knew it affected Bill more.

When Bill went mute we had to think of a way to speak to each other, I wasn't going to force him to speak. So we learned sign language, together. 

A month before summer ended we were both fluent in it. That's how we spoke to each other. His parents decided to home school him which sucked, I was going to miss Bill at school.

I had noticed something about myself. I looked really different, I didn't recognize myself. My hair was a disgusting curly mess, I grew so fast I couldn't fit any of my clothes anymore, so I had to wear my dad's old clothes. I got contacts but..everything else about me didn't look like me. 

I was more than self conscious to go to school. I felt bad people had to look at me.

When I saw Eddie in my theatre class, it made me smile a bit, but I noticed he was staring at me.

"Hi Eddie." I waved and he ran away. He hadn't done that since fifth grade..Was I really that ugly?

It didn't seem fair. Eddie looked a bit different too but he looked like a goddess, well he always did. He was a lot tanner and and filled out his shorts real nice..

I remember back in fifth grade when that teacher said I would start having certain dreams about girls, I didn't know what he meant at the time. I knew what he meant about a week ago but he was wrong, I wasn't dreaming about girls in that way, I was dreaming about one boy only.

When I was younger, all Eddie did was make my heart beat fast and giggle. It was like I couldn't control myself around him and I had to just hug him. Now he makes me feel really warm, my heart beats a lot faster now. My mom would always tell me there was a different between a crush and having genuine feelings and I didn't know what she meant, until now. 

It was a lot worse at night. All I could do was think about him. Instead of being warm, I was hot. It felt like I just had to be near at him. 

It made me feel like a freak. Over the summer I had realized Boys are suppose to like girls. That being gay was not normal. So that's why I toned down my affection towards Eddie, I didn't want everyone to know I was a faggot. I only talked to Eddie with Bill. Bill would always tell me Eddie was a prick and that I deserved better but I couldn't help how I felt. I wish I didn't have feelings for Eddie but I do, and it sucks when he doesn't feel the same.

Eddie

Everything was starting to go back to normal. I didn't feel anything but annoyance whenever I thought or saw Richie. I didn't feel bad for him anymore, it was nice.

When I was at school I got a note in my locker saying to go to the boys bathroom during seventh period. The note didn't say who it was from which was weird. When seventh period came around I did what the note said. 

I waited in there for around ten minutes. I was about to leave when suddenly Richie walked in. 

"Hi Eddie." He smiled and walked closer. I realized he had sent the note and I groaned.

"God Richie can't you take a hint! I don't like you!" I yelled but he shook his head. 

"Don't lie to me Eds. I've seen the way you look at me." He smiled and my whole face went pale. 

"Get off me faggot!" I yelled but he wasn't moving. Why wasn't he moving? Why-

Suddenly he was kissing me! Why was he kissing me? Why was I letting it happen? And I why couldn't I move? Why did I enjoy it.

Suddenly he began kissing at my neck and- he was sucking at it! This wasn't suppose to happen, was it? Why couldn't I say anything?

"I'll blow ya for free Eddie."

And just like that my eyes opened and I fell out of my bed. It was a dream. I let out a sigh in relief but felt disgusting. I didn't like that dream, not one bit. I didn't like kissing Richie and I didn't like what he said at the end. Blow me? Why would he blow on my skin?

The next day I walked over to Stan's. I was not going to tell him what happened but I needed to know something. I knew Stan had dirty magazines in his wardrobe so I was going to ask if we could look at them.

"Why do you wanna see that anyways?" He asked while we were walking back to his room. 

"I'm just- just curious is all." I lied and he shrugged. He reached up in his closet. When he came out he had a box in his hand. 

"Look all you want." He said and handed me the box. I opened it and winced at the cover, a naked women. I began flipping through and I realized they were all girl on girl.

I didn't feel anything but disgust. My dick didn't feel like it was hard, why wasn't it? These are boobies! I'm looking at boobs and I don't feel anything.

I faked a smile and closed the box. "Thanks.." I mumbled and handed it back to him. We played bored games the rest of the time but I had one thing on my mind.

I, Eddie Kaspbrak, am a homosexual.

The next day at school I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around, startled but I felt my heartbeat pick up when I noticed it was Richie.

“What? What do you want TrashMouth?” I said bitterly.

“Do you have ADHD?” I asked. ADHD? Why did he want to know if I had it? Why is he even talking to me about this? I shook my head.

“No. Why?” I asked and he shrugged.

“No reason..” I mumbled. Wait did Richie have ADHD? I don’t want him feeling alone. He began to walk around but I grabbed his wrist, which caused him to turn around. 

“It’s like, not uncommon for someone to have it. It just means you do impulsive things and you can’t focus all the time, medicine helps fix that. That’s basically what it means and a lot of people have it.” I explained. I tried to make it very clear there was nothing wrong with having ADHD. He smiled and nodded. 

“Thanks Eddie.” He said and walked away.

Richie

My parents started acting weird around me. Not bad weird but..not good weird either? One day the took me to a doctor with no explanation. He was asking me a lot of weird questions like “What’s the longest you can pay attention for?” and stuff like that, it was weird. 

When the doctor came back he told me I had ADHD. Which apparently means Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I didn’t really understand it. Did Bill have it too? I thought everyone was like this. They gave my parents a sheet of paper and about a week later they told me I had to take pills everyday to help. I didn’t want to. I don’t wanna change for anyone. 

When I told Bill about it he said he didn’t have it. It made me feel a little bad. I knew Eddie took a lot of pills, I had memorized the times his watched beeped which meant he had to take a pill. I decided to ask if he had it.

At school I ran up to him and tapped his shoulder. He turned around startled and looked at me like he was..embarrassed? Was he embarrassed to even be around me?

“What? What do you want TrashMouth?” He said bitterly.

“Do you have ADHD?” I asked. He looked at me confused and shook his head.

“No. Why?” He asked and I sighed, shrugging. Am I the only one in the world who has it?

“No reason..” I mumbled. I began to walk away but he grabbed my wrist, which caused me to turn around. 

“It’s like, not uncommon for someone to have it. It just means you do impulsive things and you can’t focus all the time, medicine helps fix that. That’s basically what it means and a lot of people have it.” He explained which made me feel a bit better. I wasn’t the only one like this. I smiled and nodded. 

“Thanks Eddie.” I said and walked away. 

When seventh grade ended I was a bit nervous for 8th grade. It was my last year before high school..I still hadn’t had my first kiss yet, and I was starting to doubt Eddie was still walking around with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly comments give me motivation lmao


	8. When you are near me, my heart skips a beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I’m so sorry I haven’t uploaded in a fucking week. I’ve just had a lot of personal stuff happening but It doesn’t matter right now so here’s the newest chapter lol

Eddie 

The whole summer was my gay awakening, the only problem was I didn't have anyone to be gay with and nobody knew I was gay. I'm thinking about telling Stan but..would he still be my friend? We make fun of Richie for being a faggot but..I'm a faggot..

I stole a gay porno magazine from my sister and I tried to enjoy looking at it but I just..didn't? Which was weird. I knew I wasn't into girls so why didn't I like seeing naked boys? The actions they were doing were really gross to me. One of them was licking the others bum! That's just nasty. 

I felt really guilty for all those times I treated Richie wrong and I'm not really sure why. We weren't friends and all he did was stalk me. Why should I feel bad for someone like that? 

Richie was also starting to become weirder than normal. He would also sit in that stupid ugly tree, trying to get me to come up. When talking to Bill he would use his hands like some weirdo. 

When eight grade came around Richie really started to love that stupid tree. I ignored it, but it was really annoying when he would announce how far the bus was.

"Three blocks away!" 

"God I hate it when he does that." Stan mumbled annoyed and I nodded. "I like to think there's at least some chance the bus won't show but he always ruins it." 

"He's so annoying." I agreed and he smiled. 

Recently I started to think I might have feelings for Stan. Who wouldn't? He's really handsome and funny, plus we've been best friends since forever. Who wouldn't have a crush on Stanley Uris?

I really, really wanted him to be my first kiss. His lips look really soft and he smells nice. He's a germaphobe like me so I know he probably doesn't have herpes like Richie. 

One day I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just had to tell him I was gay. It felt like I was constantly lying whenever he brought up how pretty Patty's boobs are. 

"Hey Stan?" We were sitting in my room doing homework from my least favorite teacher, Ms. Ash. She was a real bitch to me, I hated her.

"Yeah?" He responded.

"So..you know how you- I mean we're into girls right?" I asked and he looked at me confused.

"Uhm yeah.." He nodded.

"Well..What if one of us wasn't." I didn't wanna just straight out say 'Hey I like boys.' 

"You mean..like one us be gay?" He asked.

"Mhm." I nodded. "Let's say for example, I'm gay. Just for an example I obviously love Patty's boob apples, but let's say I'm not. What would your reaction be?" I was really scared, terrified even. What if he told everyone?  What if he..what if he hurt me? Stan wouldn't do that..right?

"Eddie?"

"..Yeah..?"

"You're gay, aren't you?" 

"Yeah.."

And that's how I came out to Stan. It went better than I thought it would be. He told me that it was fine and it was okay. He only called people faggots ironically, I didn't understand that but I nodded anyways.

He said he didn't think his was entirely straight either.

The day things in my life changed for ever was suppose to be a normal day.  I didn't have any homework, Stan was coming over, it was going to be a good day. But when I walked in I saw my Grandma Lisa sitting on the couch. 

Richie

My mother had always loved painting, I understood why. She was really amazing at it. I did have a lot of respect for her. 

I never really had to come out to my mom, me telling her how much I loved the little boy next door gave it away and she rarely ever brought it up. 

One day I was watching her paint, I found it relaxing. She was painting a purple looking ocean, I thought it looked pretty. 

"How are your grades so far?" She asked?

"They're okay, the lowest grade I have is in Ms. Ash's class which is a 64 percent.." I trailed off.

"Richie.." She said sternly.

"It's not my fault!" I defended quickly. "She won't grade my fucking work! She'll literally THROW it away, I've seen it in the trash before." She chucked and shook her head.

"So.." She said. "What's going on with you and Eddie Kaspbrak?" I felt heat spread across my face and I smiled dumbly.

"What?" I said. "Nothing is going on." 

"Ah," She nodded. "You sure do talk about him a lot."

"I do..?" I laughed a little, I really do like him.

"Mhm." She nodded.

"I-..I really like him mom.." I admitted and she raised an eyebrow. "He has the most gorgeous brown puppy dog eyes I've ever seen, freckles that are dotted across his nose and cheeks, his hair is starting to get a little curly as well!" My mom sighed and shook her head.

"But what about him?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" What was she talking about? Didn't I just say what I liked about him?

"Son, people are like paintings. There's usually one main center piece that draws the attention, in this picture it's the ocean. But it's the little side bits, that make the picture truly beautiful. Like the sun, the sand, and the sky. It compliments the ocean and that's what makes the painting really good." My mom explained. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked and she shook her head.

"You'll see one day Richard, and watch your language." My mom scolded and I shrugged.

I didn't think I would ever understand what she meant. Eddie wasn't a fucking painting. I didn't think I'd ever know what she meant. Until one day I was in the tree.

I was looking at the prettiest sun rise ever..The sun was a beautiful yellow and the sky was a light purple fading into pink. The clouds almost looked like a light blue. Suddenly I realized what my mom was trying to say.

Is Eddie more than his looks?

When I started thinking suddenly I heard some people talking down below that definitely didn't sound like my classmates. 

I looked down to see some old guys with a chainsaw parked at the bus stop.

"Excuse me!" I yelled and they looked up confused.

"What the hell?" One of them said.

"Excuse me sir you can't park there, that's a bus stop." I explained.

"You can't be up there, we're gonna cut that tree down." The other said and my eyes widened. 

"T-This tree..?" I said and they nodded. "Why?"

"Because someone is building a house there and the tree is in the way. Now get the hell down." They demanded but I shook my head.

"No! No I'm not getting down." I said and one of them laughed.

"If you don't come down," The other turned on the chainsaw. "We're gonna cut you down." I laughed bitterly.

"Go ahead and cut me down! I'm not moving, I'm never moving." I said. I hadn't realized the bus arrived and my classmates were getting on.

"Guys! You have to come up here, they won't cut it down if we're all here!" I yelled but no one listened, they were all walking away. Just as Eddie was about to walk on the bus I tried to get his attention. 

"Eddie!" He stopped and looked up confused. "Eddie please come up here! You don't even have to go up far, just a little bit." I could feel tears brimming my eyes, I really didn't want this tree to go down. Eddie wasn't listening, he started to walk back on the bus. 

"Eddie please!" I could feel my eyes brim with tears but I didn't let them fall. The bus drove away but I still wasn't going to move.

I was probably up there for hours, the people even called the fire department but I still wouldn't move. Eventually Bill saw me and he wrote down to the people to let him up, so they did. He used a ladder and got up to where I was.

"Bill! Bill please come sit with me." I begged but he shook his head.

'Richie it's time to come down.' He signed.

"No! No Bill please. Just look! You can see everything up here, please.' This time I did start crying and he grabbed my hand pulling it toward the ladder.

'Richie no view is worth risking your safety.' He signed but I wouldn't listen.

"Yes it is! Bill please, please! Please just stay here with me. We can sign about s'mores and that bitch Ms. Ash just please, please don't make me get down." I said but I knew he was going to convince me.

"Richie," Bill signed- Wait no. He didn't sign it. He spoke, it was the first time he's spoken in a year. "Richie it's time to come down, please Richie."

I knew he was right, there was nothing I could do. I don't even know what I was expecting. Eventually I came down and Bill held me while I cried, watching the tree get cut down.

Eddie

My Grandma never talked to me, she always stared out the window. My mom said it was because she was thinking about Grandpa Randy. I never got the chance to meet Grandpa Randy. In fact, this was my first time seeing Grandma Lisa.

One day when I was walking to school with Stan I noticed three men with a chainsaw yelling a Richie. The bus came immediately as we got there so I didn't have time to understand what was going on, until Richie called my name.

"Eddie!" I stopped and looked up confused. "Eddie please come up here! You don't even have to go up far, just a little bit." I felt bad for him, but was I really about to skip school for it?

"Eddie come on!" Stan yelled, he was already on the bus and I was the last one left to get on. "Just leave him already!"

No, I wasn't going to miss school for it. So I got on the bus and it drove away. I faintly heard Richie yelling my name again in the background but I ignored it.

A week later I was about to go to my room but my grandma stopped me. "Come here Edward."

I walked over and sat down a little confused. "Yeah Grandma?" She smiled and pulled out the newspaper. 

"What do you know about Richie Tozier?" She asked. I looked down to see Richie was in the newspaper, he had his picture in it as well.

"He's..really boring. We aren't really friends." I said and she scoffed.

"Boring? He's in the newspaper Eddie. Why aren't you two friends? He lives across from you and he's your age." She said confused but I shook my head.

"No, grandma you don't get it. Richie has been crazy in love with me and stalking me since the first grade." I said.

"Oh is that so? I don't ever see him around you so I don't think he's stalking you dear. I think you should at least read it, Richie Tozier is an extraordinary boy." She said and handed me the newspaper. 

I faked a smile and grabbed it, walking up to my room. I scoffed at it and shoved it in my closet. What could be so extraordinary about Richie Tozier?

A month later I was hanging out with Stan. I still really wanted to kiss him but I didn't know how to ask. Maybe if I just..did it? Would that work? What's the worst that could happen?

"Hey Stan?" Stan towards me and I sat down next to him.

"Yeah?" He asked. I took a deep breath shakily and grabbed his chin. "Uhm..What are you doing?"

I didn't respond and I closed my eyes, leaning in. Stan didn't say anything so when I opened my eyes I could see his were closed and- and he was leaning in too! I closed my eyes again and leaned in faster, but then our foreheads bumped together.

"Ow!"

We looked at each other and even though I was really embarrassed, we both broke into a fit of laughter.

I didn't give my first kiss to Stanley Uris, which I'm glad about. I realized soon after I just got my feelings confused for platonic and romantic.

Richie

I didn’t leave my room for awhile. Sure I still went to school, but it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t be at the best stop anymore, not with the beautiful tree missing so I just took the extra walk.

Bill would always walk with me to school, even though he didn’t go there anymore. Sometimes we would hold hands but it was only so we could comfort each other. It was strictly platonic.

I’ve noticed that Bill is really handsome. He has deep blue eyes, almost like and ocean and dirty blonde hair that was almost brown, but it had a hint of gold to it. He was also so sweet to me, he started speaking again but only around me. He doesn’t stutter anymore. 

Sometimes when it’s late at night I like to think about what it would be like to be with him, to hold him, to kiss him..

Which didn’t make any sense. Eddie Kaspbrak has had my heart locked up in a chest since..since forever. 

Did I even still like him anymore?

Is he more than his looks?

I know Bill is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll try to have this book finished before next week but the next chapter is going to be so long, here’s a hint
> 
> 🥚


	9. Egg Yolk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look so the reason it took so long to update was because I was having writers block but here’s a 4K long chapter of angst.

Eddie

I've never really liked eggs, why would I wanna eat something that came out of a chickens asshole? That's disgusting. One day I realized I really really hated eggs.

One day when I was hanging out with Stan, Mike, and Ben. Stan was good friends with Mike and Mike was best friends with Ben so it all worked out. 

We were watching tv when Ben stood up and grabbed a cartoon of eggs from his mini fridge from his room.

"Why do you have a cartoon of eggs?" I asked. 

"To feed Delilah." Mike responded for him.

"Who's that?" I asked. Ben smiled at me and motioned for us to come over. We walked over to a blanket covering something. I noticed when I first walked in but I didn't say anything. He took off the blanket and underneath was a snake in a cage.

"Wait what's Delilah?" Stan asked and Ben nodded. "Oh, I thought she was like, some girl you were dating."

Ben chuckled and shook his head. "No, I'm not dating anyone. But look how she eats!" Ben opened the cage and put an egg down next to her. I walked back a little and suddenly its entire jaw unhinged and wrapped around the egg. I gagged at the disgusting sight.

"Cool!" Stan laughed and I awkwardly nodded to agree.

"You haven't seen the best part." Mike chuckled.

"What are you talking about?" I asked but Ben shushed me. Once the egg was all the way in the snake I heard a loud crunching sound and-

WHAT THE FUCK!

The snake just fucking puked out the egg shell!

Gross, gross, gross.

Ever since that day I could never eat eggs again. What if there was a chicken in it? Or there's blood?

Problems began to arise when it was the summer science fair.

It was going to be held at a park and I already knew my idea. A potato alarm clock. It would definitely win first place.

But when the day arrived, Richie fucking Tozier won first place. And get this, all he did was hatch chickens! Who cares about some stupid bird? Come look at my alarm clock! The judge literally walked away from my project when the birds started hatching.

But whatever, I've never been one to be a sore sport anyway. It was just some stupid stupid ribbon, I don't care.

When school started up I noticed Richie still wasn't taking the bus but he was going to school. Was he still upset about that tree? He acted a lot like his old self so why wasn't he riding the bus?

Around November I heard someone knock on my door. I went to answer it and it was none other than stupid Richie Tozier.

"Hi Eds!" He beamed and I noticed he was holding a basket.

"Hello Richie..What are you doing here..?" It came off more harshly than I meant it to and Richie noticed, his smiled dropping a little.

"Oh um, well I have a lot of extra eggs from the chickens that I hatched." Richie laughed awkwardly. "I wanted to give you some."

"Oh..thanks.." I said and grabbed the basket. "These are, uhm, they're nice." I smiled at him and closed the door.

When I was eating dinner with my family I decided to mention the eggs.

"Richie Tozier brought me some eggs today." Grandma Lisa looked at me and smiled.

"Well that's nice of him. I always loved eating fresh eggs." She smiled but my mom scoffed.

"How do you know they aren't poisonous Eddie-Bear?" She asked and I shrugged. 

"They could have salmonella Edward." My father said, agreeing with my mother. 

"They're probably fake eggs. Not even fresh, I bet he bought them." My mom said.

"Why are you all so mean to that poor boy?" My Grandma Lisa said annoyed. "Eddie could just ask him if they're roosters or hens." 

"Yeah that could work." My mom shrugged. 

"I don't want to talk to him..he smells weird." I said.

"Eddie, all you have to do is ask." My father laughed.

"But-"

"Edward, you're speaking to him, end of discussion." I rolled my eyes and began aggressively eating my steak.

I didn't wanna talk to Bitchie Tozier. Who would? He was nothing but a disgusting slob! Look at his yard! I'll probably get twenty STI's just from thinking about him.

So the next day I brought Stan along to see if we could figure out if they were roosters or hens. The plan was genius. We were going to sneak around in the back and see what they looked like. 

"I didn't know you knew so much about birds." I whispered to Stanley.

"I've just been reading into them recently." He said and I nodded. We stood on a rock and peered over to see Richie feeding them.

"So? What are they?" I whispered.

"They're chickens, chickens fan themselves like a peacock." Stanley explained and I nodded. "Man his backyard really is a dump."

"Yeah." I giggled. "Look at all the turds." We quietly laughed and got off the rock.

"They're all chickens." I said the next night when we were all eating dinner.

"You talked to him?" My grandma asked and I nodded. "That's great honey!"

"They're all chickens?" My mom asked and I nodded. "No shit they're all chickens Eddie! We need to know if they're roosters or hens!" She sighed. 

God dammit Stan! Why did he say chicken? Why didn't he say rooster or hen? 

Then I realized Stan doesn't know jack shit about birds yet.

"Do roosters fan themselves like a peacock?" I asked. 

"Yes." My father replied.

"They're all hens." I smiled and my mom looked at me confused.

"What? Okay whatever. We aren't taking any chances, Eddie return the eggs back to Richie tomorrow." My mom said and I chocked on my milk.

"What?!" I panicked. "That's so rude! What am I suppose to say?"

"I don't know, make up a lie." My mom shrugged and I groaned. "Tell him one of us is allergic or we don't eat eggs. I don't know Eddie Jesus! You've talked to him before and did it kill you?"

"But-"

"Did it kill you?" My mom responded. When I didn't respond she continued. "No, no it didn't. So man up and talk to him!"

But I didn't wanna talk to him. Richie wasn't an idiot, he wouldn't believe that no one in my family eats eggs. So I did the best thing I could think off.

I threw them away.

This really was the very best option. I didn't have to talk to Richie plus Richie would never know I didn't want his eggs. But why was I so scared to talk to him? Was I scared he was going to get mad at me or was I just scared of him?

Richie

When my mom recommended I should do chickens as my summer science project, I was less than excited. Who would want to watch chickens?

Then we got eggs and I was able to see them! Well kinda. If I put a light on the egg I could see something that looked like a little jellybean, and that was the chicken.

When the day that I would have to present arrived, I was nervous. What if everyone thought it was dumb? But lucky for me all 7 of my chickens hatched on the same day! How lucky is that?

The judges loved it but I didn't really care that I won first place, I was happy all my chickens made it. 

So I begged and begged my mom to let me keep them. I told her I would clean up after them, feed them, and take care of them. After two hours of begging, my mom said yes.

I did as I promised, taking extra good care of them. Then one day one of my chickens wouldn't leave their coop. 

"C'mon Claude, aren't you hungry?" I asked but he wasn't moving. I picked him up and set him outside but when I looked back in the coop, there was an egg! "Ohhh!"

So then we had so many eggs I couldn't keep track. We were scrambling, boiling, frying, so many eggs we eventually got tired of them.

About a month after Bill walked into my yard and tapped my shoulder, startling me.

"Jesus Big Bill! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" I laughed. "What's up?"

"My mom is willing to pay for some of your eggs." He said.

"Really? Why?" I said confused and he shrugged.

"Nothing like fresh eggs. I heard that Ms. Hanscom is also willing to buy them." Bill said and I smiled.

"Thanks Billy." I beamed.

"Don't thank me, thank my mom, I hate eggs." He said and I laughed.

So that solved my egg problem. I would sell my eggs to Mrs. Denbrough and Ms. Hanscom every week. I noticed I still had some eggs left over, and I thought that the Kaspbrak household could use some eggs as well.

I walked over to their house with a basket of eggs in my hand and knocked. My eyes brightened when I saw it was Eddie who answered the door.

"Hi Eds!" I beamed.

"Hello Richie..What are you doing here..?" He said harshly. It made my smile drop a little. Does he hate me so much he doesn't even like being around me?

"Oh um, well I have a lot of extra eggs from the chickens that I hatched." I laughed awkwardly. "I wanted to give you some."

"Oh..thanks.." He said and grabbed the basket. "These are, uhm, they're nice." He smiled at me and closed the door. 

I didn't think much of it. He wrote me a note and put it in my locker saying his family liked the eggs and it made me really happy. So I decided I would continue to give Eddie eggs.

It was the same time everyday, Friday before I would start walking to school. On the third time I gave him eggs, I realized he was waiting for me. 

On the fifth time I didn't even knock anymore. I would walk up to the door and it would open with a smiling Eddie Kaspbrak saying, "Thanks for the eggs Richie, see you at school." Then he would take the basket and close the door. It always made my day.

It was suppose to be a normal day. I had the basket of eggs in my hand and Bill was waiting for me a few streets down. As always Eddie opened the door he smiled but the smile didn't reach his eyes. I noticed he wasn't going to speak first so I did.

"I, uh, I have some eggs for you." He nodded and I gave him the basket. 

"Thanks.." He mumbled. I was a little confused, why was he acting weird? None the less I shrugged and nodded.

"No problem." I said and began walking away but Eddie grabbed my hand, causing me to blush.

"Hey..uhm.." He was looking down and he looked embarrassed.

"Yeah..?" I asked.

"Are you going to start riding the bus again?" He responded and I shrugged.

"I dunno, I kinda like walking to school. Plus I don't really wanna be there after the whole tree incident." I laughed awkwardly.

"It's not all that bad now, it's all cleaned up." Eddie said and I nodded, smiling. 

"I'll think about it." I said. Eddie smiled and let go of my hand.

"See you at school." He said and walked back inside.

I felt my insides start to turn and become mush in the best way possible. Could it be that Eddie Kaspbrak actually misses me?

I can't wait to tell Bill about this.

Before I could start walking I heard the front door open again and I turned around to see Eddie holding a box of trash.

"Richie! You're still here?" He said and he looked a little scared.

"Yeah I just had to think about something." I said and he saw my eyes looking at the trash.

"It's trash day." He explained and I nodded.

"I know, do you need any help?" I asked and began walking forward but he stumbled back. 

"No! No that's okay." I was about to say something but I looked down and..

"Are those my eggs..?" I asked confused and he slowly nodded.

"Yeah! I uh, I dropped them." He said.

"They all look fine to me." I grabbed the egg cartoon and looked through them, none of them looked broken.

"I'm sorry..it's just that you have a really gross backyard and front yard. It's covered in like turds." He said quickly.

"That's not true, I clean up after my girls." I scoffed.

"I-I just didn't wanna get salmonella." He explained. 

"Salmonella? Fucking salmonella? Do you really think I'd purposely try to give you some sickness?" I said.

"I dunno.." He shrugged.

"Have you always thrown them away?" I asked, my voice cracking a little. He looked down embarrassed and I knew my answer. "Mrs. Denbrough and Ms. Hanscom pay for my eggs! They aren't for free!"

"They do..?" He whispered and I nodded.

"Yeah! 5 bucks a carton!" I yelled.

"I'm sorry Richie.." He said. I laughed bitterly and shook my head.

"No, no you're not." I wanted to cry, I really did. I'm so fucking stupid. "You're never sorry." 

I walked away, flipping him off. 

I really was fucking stupid to think Eddie Kaspbrak could actually miss me. It was probably some dare Stan made him do or some sick joke. I'll laugh myself to sleep I guess. 

Eddie

Around the third time Richie starting giving me eggs, I began waiting for him. I couldn't have anyone answer the door or else my family would know I never really talked to Richie.

It easier to lie and lie rather than confront and then Richie getting hurt, I didn't wanna hurt him.

Around January I started to think Richie wasn't going to ride the bus ever again, which sucked. He always made annoying jokes that were sometimes funny. The bus was too quiet now.

It was a Friday and Richie knocked on my door like usual. I faked a smile and opened the door.

"I, uh, I have some eggs for you." I nodded and he gave me the basket. 

"Thanks.." He mumbled. I wanted to ask if he was going to ever ride the bus again but I was too scared to ask, it was like I couldn't speak. He shrugged and nodded.

"No problem." He said and began walking away. In a moment of panic I jumped down the small steps and grabbed his hand.

"Hey..uhm.." I looked down, embarrassment flooding my body as I realized we were holding hands.

"Yeah..?" He asked. He looked confused and I couldn't blame him.

"Are you going to start riding the bus again?" I responded and he shrugged.

"I dunno, I kinda like walking to school. Plus I don't really wanna be there after the whole tree incident." He laughed awkwardly.

"It's not all that bad now, it's all cleaned up." I tried to convince him, I think it was working. He smiled, a beautiful smile.

"I'll think about it." He said. I smiled in relief and quickly let go of his hand.

"See you at school." I said and walked back inside.

I realized today was trash day so I put the egg carton in cardboard box full of trash. I waited a few seconds to walk out the door to avoid Richie. When I was sure it was safe I walked out but Richie was still standing there.

"Richie! You're still here?" I said. Please don't look in the box, please don't look in the box.

"Yeah I just had to think about something." He said and I saw his eyes drifting down to the trash.

"It's trash day." I explained and he nodded.

"I know, do you need any help?" He asked and began walking forward so I tried to back up.

"No! No that's okay." Suddenly Richie's eyes looked in the box and- oh fuck.

"Are those my eggs..?" He asked confused. I slowly nodded, trying to think of an idea.

"Yeah! I uh, I dropped them." I lied.

"They all look fine to me." He grabbed the carton and began looking at the eggs. Shit..I can't lie anymore.

"I'm sorry..it's just that you have a really gross backyard and front yard. It's covered in like turds." What the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you Kaspbrak!? Why would you say that?!

"That's not true, I clean up after my girls." He scoffed and I could feel my breathing pick up.

"I-I just didn't wanna get salmonella." I tried to explain.

"Salmonella? Fucking salmonella? Do you really think I'd purposely try to give you some sickness?" I noticed his voice was getting louder and sounded genuinely hurt and offended. It hurt my heart.

"I dunno.." I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"Have you always thrown them away?" He asked, his voice cracking a little. I couldn't respond, I just couldn't so I looked down in shame. "Mrs. Denbrough and Ms. Hanscom pay for my eggs! They aren't for free!"

"They do..?" I said quietly and he nodded.

"Yeah! 5 bucks a carton!" He yelled.

"I'm sorry Richie.." I apologized, I didn't know what else to say. He laughed bitterly and shook his head.

"No, no you're not. You're never sorry." Richie sounded like a parent scolding me and it only made me feel worst. He walked away, flipping me off.

Richie 

After the egg incident I started to realize Eddie might be right. Not about my chickens, about the yard? Why did we never clean it up? When I was eating dinner with my parents I decided to ask.

"My uhm..Mom and dad, do you think maybe we could clean up the front yard?" I asked.

"Why would we wanna do that?" My mom laughed.

"Well..It's a disgusting mess. And I know that most of our money goes to Daniel but I mean, how much could that stuff cost?" I asked.

"Where did this come from suddenly?" My mom asked.

"Well, Eddie Kaspbrak said that our yard is a mess but I don't wanna clean it because of him! I just think it would look nice.." I said.

"Mr. Kaspbrak said that?" My mom asked.

"No- no Eddie did. He's been throwing away the eggs I was giving him."

"I'm sure it was a family discussion though.." My mom sighed. "Eddie we can't afford it with rent, food and Daniel."

"He's right Maggie, our yard is disgusting." My dad agreed.

"Went- we can't afford it." My mom laughed bitterly. 

"Honey our child is getting bullied because we won't even fix up our own yard." He said sternly.

"Oh no, dad it's not-"

"What about Daniel, Went? He needs-"

"Maybe he needs to.." My dad sighed.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." My mom said bitterly. "I promised my mom I would never send him away, this has always been the plan. Daniel is important to me!" She said annoyed.

"More important than your own family? Your own son?!" My dad yelled.

"How fucking dare you!" She screamed. I didn't realize I was crying until my shirt was wet with tears.

"Stop!" I yelled. I never liked loud sounds, or fighting. "I- I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry." I stood up and quickly walked to my room. I called Bill on the landline in my room, still crying a little.

"Hello?" He answered.

"B-Bill. It's Richie." I cried.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" He asked. 

"I just-..Can you come over?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll be there soon." About five minutes later he was in my room. I had stopped crying but Bill knew I still needed comfort. He sat down on my bed and I rested my head on his chest, sitting in between his legs. He had his hands resting on my stomach and my hands were on his. "What's wrong Rich?"

"It's Eddie." I said sadly.

"Again?" Bill scoffed and I nodded. 

"I found out he's been throwing my eggs away..He called my yard a disgusting mess." I said sadly.

"Jesus Richie. Why do you even still like him?” Bill asked.

“I don’t know..He’s really pretty.” I sighed.

“Richie, for the millionth time, you deserve better. Way better than Eddie Kaspbrak.” Bill reassured and I nodded.

“I know..”

About a week later I used my egg money to buy things to fix my yard. I told myself I wasn’t doing to because of Eddie, I really did wanna fix my yard.

It started off easy. Planting some seeds, watering the grass. Then I realized it was going to be a bitch having to trim down the bushes. When I was about to get started I felt someone tap my shoulder. I looked to my left to see a old lady, she looked around her late 60’s.

“Hello, I’m Lisa Kaspbrak. Eddie’s grandmother.” She smiled.

“Oh..” I said and scratched the back of my neck. I noticed she a lot of gardening supplies with her. “You don’t- you don’t have to help me because of what Eddie said.” 

She ignored what I said and began trimming down the bushes. “I read about you in the paper. When you tried to get that tree to stay.”

“Oh, yeah.” I nodded, not really knowing what to say. I decided to help her.

“Joey would’ve sat right up there with you.” She smiled.

“Joey?” I said confused.

“My husband. I miss him everyday. You remind me of him.” She beamed and it left me flabbergasted.

“What?” I laughed awkwardly. “You don’t even know me.”

“I know you stand up for things you love. Just like Joey.”

Everyday at four pm she would come over and help with my lawn, we’d have some lemonade and then she’d leave at seven. It was nice. One day she asked why it took so long to fix my yard and I told her.

A few years after my mom was born, her parents had another kid, Daniel. When he was born the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. They were able to save his life but he had mental retardation. Which meant he was retarded. So instead of sending him away my mom had placed him in a nice home. That we had to pay for him to stay so we couldn’t really afford to fix the lawn.

In May the lawn was amazing. It was a nice shade of green and nothing was over grown. I was really proud of it. 

“Hey.”

I turned around expecting to see Bill only for it to be Eddie Kaspbrak. Great.

“Hey.” I responded, turning off the hose.

“The lawn is coming along really well.” He smiled and I nodded.

“Thanks, I couldn’t have done it without Lisa.” I said. “It’s kinda funny, she said I remind her over her husband.” I laughed.

“What?” He said shocked and he laughed a little.

“That’s what I said!” I smiled and he smiled back.

“Richie, I’m really sorry.” He apologized. I wasn’t really listening if I was being honest, I was trying to figure something out.

“Thanks Eds.” I nodded.

“It wasn’t right for me to call your backyard gross and I should’ve just told you how I felt. It was really immature.” He said. I nodded once again. “Are we good?”

I looked Eddie, and I mean really looked at him. I looked at his doe puppy dog eyes, his wavy light brown hair, the freckles that dotted his cheeks and nose like stars, his soft pink lips and I knew.

I knew that I had only liked Eddie because of his looks, not his personality. And I was very sure I didn’t have feelings for him anymore.

“Yeah. We’re good.”

Eddie

It annoyed me when I saw my grandma Lisa starting to talk to Richie. She said more words to him than to me, and she’s been living with me for years!

I knew what I said was wrong. I did feel horrible. Maybe if I told Richie I didn’t like eggs, it all would’ve been fine. Maybe we could’ve even been friends.

Why did I wanna be friends with Richie?

I decided to apologize to him. I knew he deserved the apology long ago but better late than never, right?

I walked over to his house to see him hosing down his lawn. He was a little sweaty but that was normal.

“Hey.” I said. He turned around and looked at me confused.

“Hey.” He responded, turning off the hose.

“The lawn is coming along really well.” I smiled and he nodded. What if he hates me?

“Thanks, I couldn’t have done it without Lisa.” He said. I was still a little mad at my grandma Lisa but I knew she loved gardening. “It’s kinda funny, she said I remind her of her husband.”

“What?” He said, eyes widening but I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“That’s what I said!” He smiled at me and I smiled back.

“Richie, I’m really sorry.” I apologized.

“Thanks Eds.” He nodded.

“It wasn’t right for me to call your backyard gross and I should’ve just told you how I felt. It was really immature.” I said. I nodded once again. “Are we good?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” He responded and I let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay. Okay good. See you at school?” I asked and nodded.

It felt like everything went back to normal. Richie wasn’t ignoring me anymore. Until a week later.

My mom spoke up to my grandma.

“So, you’ve been spending a lot of time at our neighbor’s house.” She said. 

“Who Richie? He is a nice boy.” Lisa responded.

“So he has a name now?” She scoffed.

“People have names Sonia.” My grandma said.

“Yes, they do. I just don’t get why you spend more time with some stranger than your own grandson.” She responded.

“Mommy it’s fine-”

“No, no it’s not fine Edward.” She said bitterly.

“Honey I do think you’re over reacting just a bit.” My dad said awkwardly.

“Shut your mouth Frank! Your mother would rather spend time with some moron who can’t even clean his own lawn!” My mom laughed.

“What is the matter with you!” My grandma yelled. “They never fixed their lawn before because Maggie has a retarded brother! Her brother came out with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck!”

The room fell into silence and I felt like shit. I never knew that.

“Well then,” my mom spoke up after awhile. “They should’ve just killed it while they had the chance.” She laughed. “That’s what I would’ve done.”

“For fuck sakes Sonia!” My dad screamed and stormed out the room.

“It was a joke!” My mom said and got up after him. “Frank!”

My mom left the room and it was just me and my grandma.

“You’ll have to excuse Frank. He’s just had personal experience with something similar.” My grandma smiled.

“Did he have a brother with the umbilical cord around his neck?” I asked and she shook her head.

“No..You did.” My blood ran cold. “But we were able to save you in time so obviously you didn’t end up that way.”

“Would..Would my mom put me up for adoption if I did..?” I asked, tears in my eyes.

“Eddie..It doesn’t matter what she would’ve done. She loves you and so does Frank, okay?” My grandma said and I weakly nodded.

“Okay..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m not gonna be posting anymore chapters until I have them all written, that way you’ll get all the chapters at once. On the bright side I’m in a major writing mood and I have nothing to do so,,


	10. Feelings Fucking Suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was suppose to be extremely short, like around 1500 words short but it ended up being 3000 words whoops.

Eddie

Richie Tozier. Richie Tozier is a lot of things, obviously. 

He's loud.

When 10th grade started he began riding the bus again. He was always usually really quiet. Until he got to school. He would tap his pencil against the desk. Chew bubblegum disgustingly loud. Like seriously, how hard is it to keep your fat gob shut while chewing? He would cough every time the teacher bent down. Throw books at the wall just to be in the spot light of the class.

He's annoying.

One day he brought a bag full of water and a needle. He stabbed the needle into the bag of water over Henry Bowers's head. He got suspended him for that.

April first was hell. He snuck into the school office and talked about the principal's boobs over the intercom. He brought over twenty whoopee cushions to school and when Henry Bowers was chasing him, he threw them down, chasing a loud sound in the hall.

He's funny.

During a football game and lit off fireworks in the middle of the field, ruining the game. Stan wasn't thrilled, since he was a football player, but I couldn't help but slip out a little giggle. 

One time Henry Bowers told him "The day I'm a faggot is the day you get a eyebrow piercing!" And the next day at school Richie showed up with a piercing in his eyebrow and a smirk on his face as he saw Henry fuming at him.

He's hot.

The same day Richie showed up with an eyebrow piercing, he had other piercings. A lip piercing, a nose piercing, and his ears had many different piercings, I couldn't keep track. He would tug on his lip piercing whenever he got bored in class and I couldn't help but have my heart beat a little bit faster for Richie.

He's incredibly sexy.

I had PE with Richie this year. I hadn't had PE with him since sixth grade. I remember him being underweight. But he had most definitely changed. I never noticed until after he got the piercings. I was staring at him a bit more recently. I couldn't help but have my eyes trail over to Richie and-

Oh fuck.

Is that a belly button piercing?

When the fuck did that happen?

When did Richie Tozier, the sweet little boy from next door that once gave me origami, turned into this sexy annoying asshole?

When did I start feeling like this? Why am I feeling like this? What am I even feeling?

Attraction, that had to be it. Yeah. Yeah! I'm allowed to dislike people but still find them attractive. It's normal to dream about holding their hand and kissing them.

Wait what?

When did kissing get involved? Why is kissing involved?!

Okay, okay, it's fine. It's normal to want to do couple things with a person you most definitely hate. It's not like I wanna, like, lose my virginity to him or anything.

God dammit.

Richie

I've been observing Bill a lot more recently. How soft his skin is, how kind and gentle he is with me. Nobody ever really treated me the same way bill treated me.

Sometimes I would cry into his shoulder, sometimes he would cry into mine. We were best friends, and I was happy with that, right?

So why did I want more?

Why was I thinking about kissing him? Why was I thinking about being with him and telling him I love him, more than friends.

It was weird. Bill is the only person I've ever been this close with. I want to hold him in my arms and protect him forever, and I know he wants to protect me.

It was around the end of Sophomore year I decided to tell him. I've been a lot more anxious recently, always tugging on my lip piercing when I thought about him. When the last period ended I ran to his class and wrapped my arms around his.

"Billy!" I beamed, picking him up and spinning him.

"Hey Rich." He chuckled and readjusted his hair. "What's up?"

"Wanna come over? I gotta- uhm, talk to you about something." I said, a faint tint of pink appearing on my face.

"Yeah." He nodded and took my hand into his. We would always hold hands, for comfort. 

When we arrived I plopped down on my bed, fiddling with my fingers.

"Well- Okay. So, have you ever been really, really close with someone? And you just wonder what it would be like to be even closer with them?" I asked. Bill furrowed his eyebrows.

"I mean, yeah I guess." He shrugged and I nodded.

"Right yeah! And I mean like, obviously you wouldn't wanna ruin the friendship but you can't just help and wonder, would it be so much better if you two were just- like together. Romantically together." I was always really bad at explaining things but thankfully Bill could read me like an open book.

"Richie what the hell are you talking about?" He asked. Okay maybe, not like an open book.

"What if- if we, ya know?" I smiled and he slowly shook his head, still confused. "What if we dated?"

"Oh." Bill blinked, eyes widening. "Richie..But you have feelings for Eddie."

"No, no I don't think I do. Not anymore." I explained and he nodded.

"I- I would be lying if I said I've never thought about it.." He smiled and all panic washed away.

"So..What do ya say? Wanna go on a date?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do."

Eddie

Okay, okay. So maybe I wanna have sex with Richie but that most definitely absolutely does not mean anything. Right?

Oh god.

Okay maybe it means a little something..what the fuck do I do!? Stan will literally slap me if I tell him I think I have feelings for Richie TrashMouth Tozier.

Wait.

I need to calm down. I don't even know if I have feelings for him. I just have to figure it out before I can go make assumptions. 

In May I walked up to Richie's locker, sweat dripping down my skin. Oh god, what if someone saw me and told Stan?

"Hey, Richie?" I tapped him on his shoulder and while he was opening his locker.

"Hey Eds. What's up?" He asked, pulling out a textbook.

"Um..Do you understand what Ms. Faeln is talking about? Because i'm hella confused." I asked and Richie shook his head. My idea was to study with him in the library and maybe then I would know if I had feelings.

"Nah, not a clue. That bitch will teach something and then give a test on it the next day. Math isn't my strongest subject." Richie shrugged. Fuck, of course it isn't! What is Richie good at?

"Uhm..What about Mr. Williams class?" I asked. I didn't have him, but Richie did. Richie loves theatre.

"You take theatre?" He said surprised. "How come I never see you on the field trips? All of his classes go?" 

"Uhm- I like to skip the field trips. I don't really like theatre, I don't know why I applied for it..can you help me? I don’t really know what he's teaching now? I'm really lost and I have a C in his class." I asked and Richie blushed a little.

"You- uh- you know what he's teaching right..?" Richie replied, a little confused and flustered. Oh shit.

"Um..I'm just so distracted I- I really need help." I begged.

"He's teaching like, the romance stuff." Richie chuckled and my eyes widened. "Plus i'd have to ask Bill if he'd be okay with that." What? Why did he have to ask Bill? Stupid Bill.

"Oh okay..What type of romance stuff..?" I asked.

"Just like, how to have good passion on stage and how to do a stage kiss. It's pretty simple actually." Richie chuckled. "I'll uh- I'll let you know if I can." Richie smiled and closed his locker.

"Wait! Or- you could just..call me?" I replied.

"I don't know your house phone number." Richie mumbled.

"Oh! Well that's an easy fix." I pulled out a red sharpie from my second fanny pack and wrote my number on his arm. "Okay so yeah just like- call me. Bye!" I said and quickly ran away.

Oh god what if Stan saw? Stan would never forgive me.

Richie

I looked down in surprise at Eddies messy hand writing on my arm, but it was cute. The handwriting. I shrugged and walked to find Bill.

We've been dating for about a week now and..it all felt the same. The only difference was we held hands in public and when we hung out of school we called it a date. When I found Bill I smiled and grabbed his hand.

"Hey cutie." I smiled and he smiled back.

"Hey handsome." Bill beamed and it made me blush a little. "What's on your arm?"

"Oh-..Okay so look. I just want you to know I do not still have feelings for Eddie and it was all his idea." I blurted out and I could tell he looked a little nervous.

"Okay..?" He responded.

"It's Eddie's number." I said, causing Bill to frown.

"Why did Eddie give you his number?" Bill asked.

"He wanted help with a class. Theatre." I said.

"Eddie takes theatre? He hates talking in front of people- and wait aren't we learning about the romance topic in theatre?" Bill asked.

"Yeah.." I nodded.

"What would you even be helping him with?" He sighed.

"Just like- how to have romantic passion on stage and how to do a theatre kiss." I said.

"You..You're kissing him..?" Bill said sadly and it broke my heart.

"No no no! A theatre kiss. Like this." I faced Bill and placed my thumbs over his lips and kissed my thumbs so it looked like a real kiss but it wasn't. "See?"

"I don't know Richie.." Bill was a little flustered but he still looked unsure.

"I won't do it if you won't want me to. It's up to you but I promise nothing will happen." I said. Bill studied me for a minute before nodding.

"I don't want to control you Richie. I'm not gonna be mad if you go." Bill said. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

That night I looked at the number on my arm and dialed it. A few rings later an annoying voice answered.

"This is Sonia Kaspbrak speaking." She said. I never really liked her even though I don't really know her.

"Hi um, is Eddie there?" I asked.

"Who is this?" She responded.

"Richie Tozier." I said and she scoffed.

"How did you get this number?" She asked.

"Eddie gave it to me- Can I speak to him?" I said annoyed. It was silent for a few minutes before I got an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi Eds! It's Richie. Tozier." I clarified. 

"Oh hey!" He responded. "What's up?"

"Well I'm able to help you in theatre if you want." I said.

"Oh! That's great! Thank you Richie this means a lot. I don't wanna fail Mr. Williams class." He said.

"Not a problem Eds. Do you wanna come over on Sunday, two pm?" I asked.

"Mhm, yeah. I can do that. Thanks again Richie." His voice was sweet and innocent, he sounded really cute.

"Yeah." I said and hung up.

Eddie

When Saturday came around I was more than nervous but also a little excited. I was nervous because I didn't wanna make a fool of myself. I was excited because..actually I didn't really know why. When I knocked on his door his mother opened it, looking a little surprised.

"Oh, hello Eddie. What brings you here?" She asked.

"Richie is helping me with a class." I explained she nodded and I walked up. How room was just as I would expect it, messy. His clothes were all over the floor, his bed wasn't made and his small trash can was overflowing with trash. His room smelled like weed and body spray, I found it a little comforting.

"Hey Eds, sorry about the mess I got distracted about cleaning." Richie said.

"It's fine, I don't really mind." I said and made a spot on his bed for me to sit down on. "So uh..how do we study theatre exactly?"

"I don't really know. We can go over some scenes and I can teach you how to do a theatre kiss." Richie suggested. I felt my face go warm. I didn't know what a theatre kiss was but I wanted to find out.

"Yeah- we can- I mean you can show me what a theatre kiss is." I said. Richie smiled and pulled out a big binder.

"So these are all the scenes I've either performed or just like I practice that I found online. We can do..this one! It involves a kiss." Richie said and pulled out two sheets of paper, it was basically a script.

"I um, never knew you had a passion for theatre." I said and Richie nodded.

"Yeah, it's my dream. I wanna apply for a theatre major in college. I'm still a little surprised you're in theatre, I remember you hating to do speeches." Richie said.

"Well- Yeah as I said, it was an accident. My mom wanted me to get more social." For about twenty minuets we sat in silence, reading the script in our head. It was a short scene to Richie, but it looked ridiculously long. Three pages! That's ridiculous. I have at least two paragraphs to remember. 

"You ready?" Richie asked.

"Yeah." I lied. I had it mostly memorized and I'm pretty sure Richie didn't memorize my lines so I could just make it up as I go.

"Cool, it's your line." I nodded and attempted getting into character.

The scene was two bestfriends, Michelle and Jeremy but we changed it to Michael since we're both guys. We're hanging out in Jeremy's room and Michael is confessing to Jeremy how he feels. I'm playing Jeremy.

"So Micha, you ready for the test on Friday?" It was no secret I was a shitty actor.

Richie

He was a real shitty actor. Come to think of it, I don't even know how he got into theatre 2. You have to take theatre 1 and then the teacher decides if you're good enough to get in. How the hell did he get in?

"God no. I couldn't be more stressed. There's..There's this guy I like but..I think he has feelings for someone else." I fiddled with my fingers just like the script told me to.

"Oh. Why is that important?" I remember the script saying Jeremy putting some hair behind his hair but Eddie didn't do that. He just sat there. 

"The guy I like is distracting me. Duh." I emphasized on the word duh and slumped against the left side of his body, my head on his shoulder.

"Well, maybe he has feelings for you too? You should confess, you never know." Eddie said. I shrugged and nuzzled my face against Eddie's neck. He smelled like strawberries.

"I don't know..I don't really wanna ruin our friendship?" I said, a little confused.

"You just gotta think..Is it worth risking the friendship for something more?" Eddie said. I lifted my head up and cupped Eddie's cheek, my thumb tracing invisible patterns on his cheek.

"Do you think he has feelings for me?" I whispered. Eddie's breath hitched and his face felt hot against my hand. I liked it.

"Yes.." He responded and my eyebrows furrowed. That wasn't the line.

"Uhm." I broke character. "Your line is 'What are you doing?' Do you need more time to study?" I asked and he shook his head.

"No- I have to go." Eddie rushes up from my bed and began shoving things in his bag.

"But- you've only been here for thirty minutes?" I said confused.

"No I know- it's just I forgot my mom needs me today. I'll see you at school, bye Richie!" And with that Eddie ran out my house leaving me utterly confuse.

That night I couldn't sleep. I hate myself. I hate myself for still having very small amount of feelings for Eddie Kaspbrak. It wasn't fair, I'm suppose to love Bill! Bill is sweet, caring, romantic, beautiful and everything I should want in a guy.

But he's not Eddie.

The next day at school I couldn't concentrate. I knew what I had to do which sucked, even though Bill and I have only been dating for two weeks, it still hurt me. I just hoped Bill would get over me and find someone better.

"Hey," I felt someone tug my sleeve and I turned around to see Bill. "There you are, you weren't on the bus." 

"Yeah, look we need to talk." I said. Bill's eyes widened and he groaned.

"Seriously Richie? I leave you alone with Eddie for one day and you already wanna break up with me?" Bill said sadly.

"No- well- no. I just- I think I have feelings for both of you and that's not fair to you. I'm sorry." I apologized.

"Whatever Richie." Bill mumbled.

"Will you- will you be okay?" I asked and he scoffed.

"I'll be fine, I just need some space." Bill said and walked away.

It hurt, it hurt like a bitch but I knew it was the best option. I couldn't lead him on when he didn't have all my attention.

God I hate him. I hate Eddie Kaspbrak. I hate his stupid pretty eyes and his stupid freckles. I hate that even after how horrible he's treated me for so many years of my life, he still affects me. He still makes me wanna hold him in my arms and protect him from Henry Bowers. What the fuck? I just broke up with the only person who's ever treated me right. God, I hate that I love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all my theatre geeks out there, I hope you enjoyed my Be More Chill reference;)


	11. Everyone’s favorite meal, dinner!

Richie

The year went by pretty fast and before I knew it, I was a junior. It's weird, its like a few weeks ago I was in first grade chasing Eddie to get a kiss. But Eddie's been acting weird lately. Usually I only see him if I try to find him but now I see him everywhere, it's like he's stopped avoiding me. Which is cool I guess, but I'm trying to get over him.

Bill and I are good again. We don't hold hands or cuddle anymore unless one of us really needs it but other than that, it's like nothing has really changed. He still teases me about my crush on Eddie and I've been teasing him about his crush on a new girl, Audra.

In October my uncle Daniel's 35th birthday was coming up. I've never seen him before because my mom never let me. I know that before I was born he use to live with my parents but it got to be too much. 

"I'm gonna leave for Daniel's birthday soon. I'll be gone for a few hours." My mom announced while we were eating breakfast.

"I wanna go." I said.

"Richie..we've talked about this." My mom sighed.

"I know, I know, but I'm going to be 17 soon, I want to meet my uncle." I said.

"Richie, sometimes Daniel will..act out when things happen." My mom explained but I shook my head.

"I'm going mom." I stated. My mom looked like she wanted to say something but she kept quiet until eventually she smiled. 

"Okay son."

My mom bought him a puzzle and a card. I also signed the card. My mom said since Daniel had never met me before he might be a little scared at first. My mom was right. He kept asking who I was and he was really paranoid until my mom told him I was his Nephew. At that he smiled and hugged me. 

Afterwards we went for ice cream. It was all going well until Daniels ice cream fell on the floor. He started screaming and was hiding under the table until I was able to get another one. Then everything was fine, it was like nothing happened. When my mom was driving me home she explained to me that it had been awhile since Daniel acted like that but it was conmen on his birthday. I nodded, not saying anything. 

Before today I've only known of Daniel because of my mom. He didn't really feel like my uncle, I had never met him. But I'm glad I did, because now he really did feel like my uncle.

I was happy for a while. Eddie was still acting weird but it was fine. Bill and Audra started dating and I became really good friends with Audra. I told Audra about my crush and she smiled, telling she would try to see if Eddie liked me back since she sat next to him in science but I told her I already knew he didn't.

Or at least I thought he didn't.

One day in the library I was peacefully reading my book and Bill and Audra came up to me giggling. I looked at them confused and I was about to ask what was going on before Bill shushed me and finally Audra spoke.

"Eddie Kaspbrak has a crush on you!"

Eddie

When school started up I wanted to be around Richie as much as possible. I wanted to be friends with him but I didn't want Stan to find out. I had to pretend I still hated him.

One day when I was cleaning my room I found three things in my desk drawer. A origami rose, a origami heart, and the newspaper of Richie Tozier from 8th grade. I remember when Richie gave me the origami, except he called it orgasm. I giggled a little and sat at my desk. I frowned when I remembered that Stan dared me to kiss Richie that day and I hurt him.

I realized I was always hurting Richie. Yet he had never hurt me. God I'm an asshole.

I picked up the newspaper Richie was in and began to read out, trying to find out what exactly was so extraordinary about Richie Tozier.

I began reading it over and over again. It got to the point I started bringing it to school, and that's when I made a big mistake.

One day in science, I couldn't stop staring at Richie. Like, it was actually impossible. His crazy curly black hair ended at his ear, his beautiful blue eyes, his pretty pale skin. Richie Tozier was truly beautiful. I was brought back into reality when my lab partner, Audra  Phillips spoke.

"Hello..?" She said and I snapped my head towards her. I began to panic. Audra is new this year but she's friends with Bill and Bill is Richie's bestfriend. I couldn't let her think I had feelings for him.

"There was a bee near him." I lied. She raised an eyebrow with a smirk and I panicked again. "See, there it goes!" I said and pretended to point out where the bee was. 

"Right." She nodded. My next class was my second mistake. I slammed my binder on the table, only for the news article about Richie slipped out and fell to the ground.

"What's that?" Stan asked.

"Nothing!" I went to pick it up but Stanley beat me to it. His eyes widened slightly and his face was full of disgust. "It's not what I looks like!" I tried to explain but failed. "Okay..It is But I can explain!...Well not here but meet me in the library." I said. Stan nodded and threw the newspaper back at me and I slipped it into my binder.

"Are you fucking mental? Eddie Kaspbrak? You hate him." Stan scoffed at me. I hushed at him to tell him to shut the fuck up.

"That's what's so crazy..I don't think I do..I can't stop staring at him and thinking about him." I explained.

"No. You don't like him Eddie. You just feel bad because you called his yard a dump but you're not wrong, it is a dump." Stan said and I scoffed at him.

"It's not his fault. Richie's uncle is retarded so they put all of their money on him." I said and Stan smiled.

"He has a retarded uncle? Well Eddie that explains everything!" He said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Let's just say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Stan laughed. 

I wanted to yell at him, slap him. I wanted to tell him that he didn't know Richie like I did, that he didn't know what the hell he was talking about. But I couldn't bring himself to do it so all that came out was,

"Oh right. Yeah." I laughed with him and we walked out the library.

Richie

"What are you talking about? Eddie Kaspbrak does not have a crush on me." I laughed.

"See that's what I said." Bill replied. I looked at Audra confused.

"Was there a Bee near you today in science?" She asked and I shook my head. "I knew it!"

"Can you explain what the hell is going on?" I asked.

"He was staring at you the entire class period with love in his eyes. He said there was a bee around you but clearly there was no bee." She giggled.

"What?" I felt myself blush. Was Eddie really staring at me? "That's ridiculous. I've known Eddie my entire life, he hates me." 

"Just follow me." She said and stood up.

"Where are we going?" I asked but stood up as well.

"Eddie is talking with Stan!" We walked behind a bookcase and I saw them talking.

"Are you fucking mental? Eddie Kaspbrak? You hate him." Stan scoffed at him and Eddie shushed him.

"That's what's so crazy..I don't think I do..I can't stop staring at him and thinking about him." I felt myself smile and my heartbeat picked up. Audra gave me a 'told you so' look and I playfully rolled my eyes.

"No. You don't like him Eddie. You just feel bad because you called his yard a dump but you're not wrong, it is a dump." Bill started mimicking Stan in a mocking way and it almost made me laugh.

"It's not his fault. Richie's uncle is retarded so they put all of their money on him." I smiled brightly, I couldn't believe Eddie was actually defending me, against Stan!

"He has a retarded uncle? Well Eddie that explains everything!" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Richie maybe we should leave now, we got what we wanted." Bill whispered but I shook my head.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Let's just say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Stan laughed. What a dick, I wanted to punch him. Audra gasped and she almost went up to throat punch him but we stopped her.

"Oh right. Yeah." Eddie- Eddie laughed! He fucking laughed! They walked out the library and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Richie, I really did think Eddie liked you." Audra said guiltily.

"It's fine." I mumbled and it really was. Because I now knew, I no longer had feelings for Eddie. Not anymore.

Eddie

"I'm inviting the Tozier's over for dinner." My dad said and my mom nearly choked on her milk, I did too.

"What? Why?" She scoffed.

"We've had every family over for dinner except them, we should have done it years ago but better late than never." My dad said.

"Frank, this is a ridiculous idea." My mom laughed.

"I'm inviting the Tozier's over for dinner." My dad could be pretty suborn, but when he repeated what he said, that's how you knew he wasn't going to change his mind. My mom groaned and slumped in her chair.

"Well I personally think it's a great idea!" My grandma smiled.

"Yeah of course you do." My mom mumbled. "What do you think about this Edward?"

"Well I-..Do I have to be at the table when they're over?" I asked. My mom barked out a laugh and my dad scoffed.

"Yes." He said sternly. I nodded, slumping in my chair a little. 

A week later I was getting ready for Richie- I mean the Tozier's. I wanted to look good but not like I was trying to look good..for the Tozier's. I have two outfits to chose from. A pair of high waisted jeans, that I stole from my sister, and a yellow shirt with an animated car on it. The other option was blue jeans and a pink polo shirt.

"Eddie! They're walking over!" My mom yelled.

"Okay!" I yelled back. I could see them walking from my window so I quickly put on the first option and sprinted down stairs, almost falling.

I saw Richie walking, he was wearing with a shirt with the Beatles across it and black jeans. He looked really good, especially with the piercings.

"Hi Richie." I smiled. He didn't respond so I figured he didn't hear me. "You look really handsome tonight."

"I heard you and Stan making fun of my uncle the library." My face paled, fuck. How did he know that? "I don't want to speak to you, not now and not ever." 

He went to walk away but I grabbed his shirt. "Wait! I- I wanted to scold Stan for what he said but um..I was scared." I admitted Richie scoffed.

"Than that means you're a coward." He said and sat down at the dinner table. I hated myself for noticing he got a tongue piercing.

The dinner was more than awkward. Richie didn't look at me the entire time, not once! It hurt. 

"So that new house is looking nice." My mom said.

"Which one?" Maggie asked.

"The one where they cut down that big ugly tree." I looked over at Richie and I saw him go stiff, looking down at his plate. I wanted to tell my mom that some people really liked that old tree, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe Richie was right, maybe I am a coward. 

When the Tozier's were leaving I heard my dad say "we should do this again" but I knew it wouldn't happen again. When Richie was waiting by the door I decided to apologize to him.

"Hey Richie, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it." I said.

"It's fine Eddie." He said and I nodded. It was weird, it was like he didn't care enough about me anymore to hold a grudge. 

When Richie left I was about to run up to my room until I heard the adults speaking so I decided to join them.

"Well that was a nightmare. Did you see that Tozier boy? Jesus he's gone downhill." My mom laughed.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I asked.

"Eddie look at him! He's all punk now, what a loser." She said but my grandma scoffed.

"You're so rude to that poor boy when you don't even know him." My grandma said.

"I don't need to know anything about him. I bet in about 20 years he'll be homeless addicted to cocaine." I couldn't take it anymore, I hated my mom's judgement.

"Mom just shut your mouth, you're making up rumors about a high schooler, that's..Thats fucked up." My mom stormed over to me and for the first time, she slapped me.

"What is the matter with you!" My dad yelled and pulled her off of me. It hurt, like a bitch but I didn't find myself caring.

"Go to hell." I told her, and at that I walked straight to my room. I could hear her yelling for me to get back here but my dad was holding her back so I didn't listen. That night was filled with screaming and crying until finally I heard the front door slam and that was it. I wouldn't see my dad and grandma for a long time.

Richie

The dinner I had with the Kaspbrak's was..peaceful. At first I was mad at Eddie, but after his mom mentioned the tree, I found all my anger at Eddie, gone. Everything I felt for Eddie was gone. It was like I didn't know him, someone I was meeting for the first time. 

For awhile, I felt calm, at peace. Audra became part of our group? I guess, I don't know what to call it. At first it was just me and Bill but now its me, Bill, and Audra. I guess it was because Bill was dating Audra but I didn't mind, it was fun having a third member, even if we did get called losers.

I didn't want to focus on love. I focused on my friends and school. I already knew what college I wanted to go to, I just had to make sure maintain good grades to get in. 

On the last week of school I was cleaning out my locker when Eddie walked up to me with a trash can.

"Do you need any help?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No, I'm almost done." I said, and it was true. I was almost done.

"Oh, well I brought a trash can, for you." He said.

"Oh thanks." I replied and put my trash in. He stood there for a few minutes which confused me. "Did you need something?"

"I was just..just wondering if maybe you wanted to hangout sometime?" He asked.

"No, why would I want that?" I didn't mean for it to sound rude but it was true. I didn't want that and why would I?

"Oh- I don't know. Because..well I wanted to hangout..with you I mean. So I was wondering if you did as well." This had to be a joke, there was no way Eddie wanted to hangout with me.

"Is this like that time you pushed me into mud? You're gonna pretend to not hate me and then pick up that trash can, throwing my trash on me?" I asked.

"What no? I only did that because I lost to Stan while playing Oreo." Eddie said.

"You don't push someone into mud while playing Oreo." I said.

"Well I know that but I thought it would be funny if I did- but it wasn't." He explained.

"Well even then you don't kiss someone after losing to Oreo." I sighed. "Is that all? Can I go now?"

"Wait what? What do you mean you don't kiss someone?" Eddie looked confused and that confused me.

"When person A loses person B picks who person A has to ask out as a joke. It's usually the ugliest person." I explained.

"Oh..I didn't know that. That's not what Stan said." Eddie said and I shrugged.

"Well clearly you need better friends." I closed my locker and was about to walk away but Eddie grabbed my hand.

"Well- that's why I asked to hangout with you. I want to be friends." I turned around confused and laughed. 

"Eddie I've known you my entire life, and I'm pretty sure this is our second conversation where you aren't apologizing." I said.

"C'mon Richie..Can we at least hangout once? Just for like, ten minutes." Eddie asked. 

"You can hang around Bill, Audra, and me for a few hours or whenever you want to leave. I don't wanna be around you alone." It's not that I was mad at Eddie or hated him, but the thought of being around him alone made me uncomfortable.

"Yeah! Cool! Okay. Yeah, um yeah just call me whenever if you want I don't know. Okay bye." And with that Eddie was quickly walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the reason I didn’t add in a whole scene with Richie and Daniel is because I don’t know much about mental retardation and I didn’t wanna offend anyone


	12. Worth The Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is FINALLY here! Sorry it took so long but here’s the 6000 word finale.

Richie

I was actually a little surprised when Eddie started hanging around Bill, Audra and me. He called me one day asking if he could hangout with us and I told him we were all meeting at the arcade if he wanted to join. I didn't think he would come so I didn't tell Audra or Bill. To my surprise he showed up. 

I still wasn't exactly comfortable be alone with him. I really didn't think Eddie would want to be friends with me, it had to be some joke. So I was always around Bill and Audra, I was the third wheel and Eddie was the fourth.

It wasn't that bad I guess. I only talked to Eddie once. He asked where the bathroom was and I told him. That was it. 

I had more important things to worry about than Eddie. Like college. I have an idea on what I want to do, Theatre Arts, but I don't have the money for college. I also don't really want to be in debt. So yeah, I'm fucking stressed and my senior year starts in..a month ago. I usually hung out at the arcade weekly with my usual friends plus Eddie but today I just wanted to be by myself. So I skipped the normal Saturday Arcade day and decided to go on Monday by myself, hoping to get something figured out. 

It was working. I was wasting about 70% of my money on Mortal Combat but it was totally worth it. The game had just come out and it was totally bad ass. Probably one of my favorite games ever.

"Fucking die!" I screamed at the screen. I randomly hit the attack button over and over again, winning the battle. "Yes!" I sighed in relief, getting ready to play again.

"You're pretty good."

I turned my head to see none other than Eddie Kaspbrak. Great. What was he even doing here.

"Oh, yeah I guess." I mumbled, pushing up my glasses. "What are you doing here?"

"I like the arcade." Eddie shrugged and I laughed.

"You hate the arcade." I said and Eddie smiled.

"Well- I don't hate it. They have some fun games." He said and I raised my eyebrow.

"Oh really? Like what?" I asked.

"The claw machine one is pretty fun.." He muttered. I snickered and shook my head.

"Ridiculous." I said and put in two tokens for the next game.

"It's a two player gamer..Can I play?" He asked.

"Do you even know how?" I responded.

"No but- isn't there like directions?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No game here has instructions." I said.

"The claw machine one does." He said and put in two tokens. "Get ready to lose."

"You wish Kaspbrak."

Eddie chose the character Sub-Zero and I chose Scorpion. I suppose Eddie picked up my tactic because all he was doing was smashing down buttons and he was beating me every time. 

When I left the arcade I realized I wasn't uncomfortable around him anymore.

Eddie

Hanging out with Richie's friend group was the worst and the best. It was the worst for a lot of reasons. His friends hated me, I had to hide it from Stan, and Richie didn't talk to me. It was the best for one reason only, I was hoping to make things right with Richie. That reason cancels out all the bad ones. 

When I went to the Arcade to hang out with Richie's friends, Richie wasn't there.

"Where's Richie?" I asked Bill.

"He's sick. So you can go home." Bill said bitterly. 

"Why..Would I go home?" I asked. Bill rolled his eyes.

"You're not fooling anyone. You hate Richie for twelve years and all the sudden you want to hang around him? No. It's obvious you're just trying to hurt him. Maybe you should just do us all a favor and stop coming here." I felt tears well up in my eyes but I quickly blinked them away. 

"William Denbrough!" Audra scolded and slapped him on the back of his neck. "What the hell is wrong with you? You said you wouldn't say anything." She tried to whispered it but I heard all of it.

"I'll just..I'll go. I'm sorry..I didn't mean to cause trouble.." I mumbled and walked out the arcade.

Richie hating me was the worst especially since I've come to the realization I don't like him, but I love him. I realized it when it two days later, when we were playing Mortal Combat. I went to smash a button with my hand but I accidentally touched his hand and a jolt of electricity ran through my veins..or at least that's what it felt like. My face heated up, my heart beated faster and I found myself wanting to do it again but for longer.

Hiding all of what I've been doing over the summers from Stan is a nightmare. He absolutely hates Richie and his friends. I don't want to lose Stan and I know that if he knew the truth, I would lose him. So whenever he called to hangout on a Saturday I always made up a simple lie. I could tell he was getting suspicious so sometimes I would agree to hangout with him after the arcade.

Going to the arcade was slowly getting more fun. At first I didn't like it. But now that Richie actually talks to me, it's worth it. The only problem is that Bill hates me and I have no idea how to fix that. 

I know that if keep up the same routine, everything will be fine. Stan will never know. If things keep going how they're going now, hopefully Richie and I become better friends. And maybe if Bill saw me come to the arcade more and saw that I did genuinely care about Richie, then maybe, just maybe he wouldn't hate me. It was the perfect plan, what could go wrong?

Richie

[Hey guys, author here. So yes this story is set in 1992 but for the sake of the plot, let's pretend Dear Evan Hansen came out in 1991. Alright cool thanks and if you don't know what I'm talking about just ignore this]

The school play auditions were coming up and I was beyond nervous. The play we were doing was called Dear Evan Hansen. It was about a kid named Evan who pretends to be best friends with Connor Murphy, a kid who killed himself. So a family friend Jared helps Evan to fake all of it. I'm auditioning for Jared.

It wasn't my first time doing a play but it would be my last. Every audition I go to, my anxiety always gets really bad. So usually Bill will walk me to the theatre class and calm me down before letting me in. It was kinda like this unspoken thing that just always happened. 

I was waiting by my locker for Bill at 2:35. Auditions start at 2:45. The more time I spend by myself, I could feel my anxiety getting worse and worse. It felt like everyone was staring at me and it was loud, not the good kind of loud. My fingers anxiously played with the bottom of my shirt and I closed my eyes, counting to the highest number I could. It was 2:43 and Bill wasn't here. I couldn't go if my anxiety is this best. I'm going to miss my audition. What the fuck is bill even doing?

"Are you okay, Richie?" I opened my eyes to see Eddie in front of me.

"Yes." I lied. It was getting harder to stand and breathe. 

"Aren't the auditions for the play today? You're auditioning, right?" Eddie asked. I shrugged. Eddie looked at the clock and his eyes widened. "Richie it's in one minute!" He grabbed my wrist and suddenly he was sprinting to the theatre class. We made it there as soon as it turned 2:45. "Good luck." 

"No!" I said and didn't walk in. "I-I can't." I mumbled and he looked at me confused.

"Why?" He asked.

"I can't- its too much, too stressful. I don't want to." I said.

"Richie, you don't want to? Don't be ridiculous you love theatre. You've been in every single play since sixth grade. What's going on?" He asked. 

"How do you- never mind. Doesn't matter." I said. Suddenly I heard the theatre teacher go over the rules of auditions.

"Richie if you don't go in there you're going to regret it." Eddie said and I shook my head.

"No I won't." I mumbled. I heard the teacher saying roll call of all the students that signed up to audition.

"Richie- just go!" He whisper yelled.

"No!" I whisper yelled back. He crossed his arms and scoffed.

"Fine. You can thank me later." Before I could respond he opened the door and pushed me in, closing in shut.

"Ah, Richie Tozier! Just in time." I whipped my head around to see everyone staring at me. I like attention, but not this type. I walked over and sat next to Beverly Marsh, another theatre kid I briefly knew. 

Auditions were stressful but they weren't that bad. Since it was a musical, I obviously had to sing. I don't really have the best voice but it's not horrible. Thankfully Jared rarely sings in the musical. 

When auditions were over I walked out the class, hoping Bill would be there like he always is. Even if he didn't show up, I hoped he would be waiting for me after. But he wasn't. Eddie was.

"Hey! How did it go?" He asked.

"Uhm..Fine I guess..I dunno." I shrugged. "Why are you waiting out here?"

"So I could see if you got the part, duh." He said.

"I won't know until Monday." I said and he nodded.

"Oh. Well I bet you get the part." He smiled.

"You've never even seen me act." I said.

"Well you get a big role every year." He said.

"How do you known that?" I asked.

"Everyone knows that." He said. I hadn't realized we were walking to my car until I was there. "See you tomorrow at the arcade?" 

"Yeah." I smiled. Eddie smiled back and nodded, walking away.

I was so anxious I could fucking cry. I was terrified of not getting role. Bill apologized and said he was making out with Audra and lost track of time. I hadn't fully forgiven him but I wasn't about to throw away our whole friendship because of it. 

The roles would be posted during second lunch which I thankfully had. I took a while eating my Scooby snacks my fruit snacks and ham sandwich. When I was done I slowly walked over, looking out the floor. When I reached the door I looked up, heart pounding in my chest.

Evan Hansen - Dustin Henderson  
Connor Murphy - Mike Wheeler  
Jared Kleinman - Richie Tozier

Oh shit. My eyes widened and my heart  
stopped. I got the role. I got my dream role. 

"Jeez finally you saw." I looked next to me, already knowing it would be easy. "I believe I earn a thank you."

"Yeah, Yeah." I mumbled, smiling. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." He smiled. I laughed a little and when back to my seat, telling Bill and Audra the news.

The next two months were stressful. Memorizing new lines, choreography, and blocking was hard. Which was the best. Everyone fitted their roles perfectly, it was good casting. 

Unfortunately as the play was coming up, I found it harder to remember my lines, choreography, blocking. Anything and everything. I was freaking out. What if I forgot my line? Or worse, I said someone else's line? 

I originally asked Audra for help, but she was busy with Bill. So I decided to ask Beverly Marsh, who got the role of Alana Beck. We had a few scenes together so it could benefit both of us. Then I realized I didn't have her number.

So my last option was Eddie. Bad at acting, Eddie Kaspbrak. I dialed his number and he answered on the third ring.

"Eddie Kaspbrak speaking, how can I help you?" He asked.

"Hey Eds it's Richie." I said.

"Oh hey 'Chee! What's up?" He asked.

"Can you come over? I need someone help remembering lines." I said.

"Yeah of course. When?" He asked.

"Uh well now would be good." I laughed.

"Okay, I need to ask my mom first though." He said. 

He was able to come over and I explained what I needed help on most. My singing part in sincerely me, and the fight with Evan.

"Jesus this musical is depressing, how is the school even allowed to produce this?" Eddie said, flipping through the script.

"I'm not really sure." Richie shrugged. "Okay so you be Evan, I'll be me." 

"Obviously." He smiled and flipped through the script. 

"We need more emails, okay? Emails that show he was getting worse." It was his line and I didn't say anything, I laughed weakly. "This isn't funny."

"Oh I think it's hilarious." I said emotionlessly. "I think everyone would probably find this hilarious."

"What is that suppose to mean?" He responded.

"It means you should remember who your friends are!" I made my tone get slightly angrier.

"The only reason you even talk to my is because of your car insurance." He said.

"So?" I responded.

"So the only reason you ever talk to me is because you don't have any other friends- woah this Evan guy is a dick." Eddie said and I smiled before getting back into character.

"I, could tell everyone, everything!" I yelled.

"Yeah why don't you go ahead and do that? Tell everyone that you helped writing emails pretending to be a kid who killed hims- Oh my god! What musical is this?" Eddie gasped.

"You are not helping with practice." I chuckled and pulled away the script. "I think I have it down anyway."

"Jeez, is there any good character?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah there's a lot. Evan is the only real asshole." I shrugged.

"You seemed like an asshole." Eddie said.

"That's because Evan was wording it differently, even if it is true." I said. 

"Well, I can't wait to see it." Eddie said and I raised my eyebrow.

"You're going to see the play? Have I fallen into an alternate universe?" I laughed.

"Well we're friends now aren't we? And friends go see other friend's plays." He said. I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, we are friends now."

Eddie

Tonight was Richie's last show and I was exited. I planned on bringing him the origami flower he gave me along time ago instead of real flowers since they all die anyways.

I decided to wear my pink polo shirt and blue jeans. I thought I looked good. Just when I was about to head out, the home phone rang. I groaned and answered the phone call.

"Eddie Kaspbrak speaking-"

"Hey Eddie, it's Stanley. Wanna hangout?" I felt my face go pale.

"R-Right now? It's 7pm Stan. That's too late. How about tomorrow?" I asked.

"Too late? I've come over at 10pm before and you never hang out on Saturdays anymore. You never hangout with me anymore. Are you avoiding me? That's going on?" He asked.

"Stan I just- I've been busy." I mumbled.

"With what? You never even talk to me anymore." I felt bad, but I wasn't about to miss Richie's play. This met everything to him.

"I'm sorry Stan I think my mom wants me, I've gotta go." I said and hung up, rushing out the door.

When I arrived at the school I saw Bill and Audra in the front row. I wanted to be up there but I didn't want to make them uncomfortable so I sat in the back. The musical was amazing, Richie was amazing. He was perfect at the dancing and singing. He had the best emotion all the time, he was born for that role. When it was over I cheered and clapped the loudest, and waited for him. While waiting Bill and Audra walked up to me.

"Hey Eddie, where were you sitting?" Audra asked.

"Oh in the back." I replied and she frowned.

"Didn't you see us? We saved you a seat." She said.

"You..Did?" I looked over at Bill to see him staring at the ground. Before I could say anything else, Richie rushed over. 

"Holy shit! That was exhilarating!" Richie cheered, throwing an arm over my shoulder. I blushed but didn't say anything.

"It was fantastic Richie." Bill smiled.

"Seriously, I had no idea you could sing that well." Audra smiled.

"Thanks guys, only gotta do it three more times." He smiled. I tugged on his sleeve, getting his attention. 

"I got you something." I said shyly. It was going to be really embarrassing doing this in front of Bill and Audra, but maybe it would make Bill like me more.

"Really? What'd you get?" Richie asked.

"Well okay so I didn't buy it but- just..here." I mumbled and reached into my pocket, pulling out the origami flower and putting it in his hand.

"What's this?" His eyebrows furrowed before his eyes widened in shock. "Eds- you kept this?"

"Well..Not really keep it, I just never really threw it away. I put it in my drawer and forgot about it but I found it quite awhile ago." I explained. Richie looked over at me and smiled. Before I could process what was happening, Richie pecked my cheek, causing my face to turn a bright pink. I could see Bill smirking at me but I ignored it.

"Thanks Eds." He mumbled. I nodded and looked down. 

We spoke for a few minutes until we decided it was time to go home. Richie left first and right when I was about to leave Bill called my name. I turned around to see him walking up to me.

"See you at the arcade tomorrow." He smiled and patted my shoulder. I smiled back and nodded, walking away.

On Monday I tried talking to Stan but he was pissed at me.

"Stanley c'mon! I told you my mom needed me." I said. He shook his head.

"Yeah I'm sure she did." Stan said bitterly. "I'm sure someone needed you." He sighed and we stopped at his locker. "Whatever. Have you heard about the auctions?" 

"What?" I said confused. "Oh that."

Every year at Derry High, male seniors would sign up to be basket boys. Which basically meant you would sign up to get betted on, and then the other seniors would pay for a date with you. It was a seniors only thing and it was stupid. 

"What about it?" I asked.

"I heard a rumor that if you were a basket boy, Greta Bowie and Betty Riptson are gonna have a bid war over you!" He smiled.

"What? Okay first of all, Greta hates me. Second of all, why would I want that? I'm gay." I whispered the last part.

"So? They're both hot." He said.

"I only find boys hot." I said. Boys with long curly hair and big bulky glasses.

"No one is 100% gay or straight." Stan said and I scoffed.

"Tell that to my dick." I said.

"Look, you should sign up." He said and I shook my head.

"No, I don't want to." I said. He rolled his eyes and walked over to the sign up sheet. "You're signing up?"

"Nope." He responded. Faster than I could blink, Stan wrote my name down. My eyes widened, I couldn't erase it, it was in pen.

"Dude!" I yelled.

"Dude, you could not even get in. Relax." He chuckled but I shook my head. I really hope I don't get in.

Richie

Jesus I had so many choices to make. Do I want to go to college here or New York? If I want to make it in musical theatre, then obviously New York but could I really leave my friends behind? Leave everything and everyone behind?

I decided to go on a walk. Walking always clears my head. I didn't really know where I was going. But before I knew it I ended up knocking on Eddies window. He opened his curtains and looked surprised to see me, but still opened his window.

"Hey Rich, whats up?" He asked.

"I dunno..Can we talk about random shit?" I replied. He smiled and nodded, letting me. I plopped down his bed, laying on my back and he laid down next to me. "What do you wanna do after high school?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe a doctor." He said. "You?"

"I want- I want to go to college in New York." I responded.

"Then why don't you?" He asked.

"Because I would be leaving everyone in Derry behind." I said.

"You can still keep in contact. They can visit, you can visit. It's not like you'll forget about them if you leave Derry." He smiled. I sighed and nodded in relief.

"You're right..Thanks Eds." I said and he nodded. 

"Of course, anytime. I'm pretty wise." He said and I laughed. 

When I laughed I accidentally brushed my pinkie against his. I blushed but realized he didn't move. In fact, I could've sworn his pinkie was on top of mine. When I looked down, it turned out I was right. I looked over to him but he was just looking up, his face pink. I looked up as well. I didn't understand what was happening, I only see Eddie as a friend. So why do I want to hold his hand? I figure since Bill and I use to hold hands, it wouldn't be a big deal and it doesn't mean anything. I moved my hand a little to the point where I curled my pinkie around his, Eddie did the same.

We stayed like that until I had to leave.

Eddie

When Wednesday rolled around I completely forgot that the basket boy list was posted. But Stan sure didn't. He rushed up to me with a smirk on his face.

"Guess who's going to be a basket boy?" He smirked. I groaned and slammed my locker shut. 

"Great just great." I said bitterly. Since I was a basket boy, I had to head straight to the auditorium tomorrow.

"Don't be so bitter. As soon as Greta found out, she dumped her boyfriend!" Stan cheered.

"Stan I don't fucking care." I said.

"Jesus you're in a pissy mood." He mumbled.

The next morning I had to look presentable and make a lunch for whoever was going to bet money on me. I decided to wear a red long sleeve button up and black khakis. I was contestant number eight. I decided to pack two turkey sandwiches, two small plastic bags of pretzels, two waters, and one big bag of grapes. I shoved it in my basket and headed off to school.

"Well someone looks snazzy." Stan snickered. "Thought you weren't excited about this."

"I'm not. But I still want to look nice." I said, heading to the auditorium.

"Alright." He shrugged. "You won't believe what I saw outside of school." 

"What?" I asked.

"Richie Tozier with a stack of money." My heart stopped for a second and I blushed.

"So what?" I mumbled.

"So what!? That retard is going to bet on you!" He laughed. I looked up at him in shock and scoffed.

"That's not funny Stan." I said.

"Oh it is very funny. If he somehow has enough money, you might have to go on a date with him." Stan said.

"We don't even know if he's going to bet on me." I said.

"He obviously is. He's been obsessed with you since the first grade." Stan said. 

"Whatever. I have to be on stage soon so go away." I said and Stan walked away. 

My head swarmed with thoughts, what if Richie did bet on me? Did that mean he liked me again? It had to..didn't it?

"Welcome Derry High!" I heard the principle, Ms. Buch, said. "We have good contestants for you this year. Please remember all donations will be going to charity. Okay, with that being said please welcome your 1992 basket boys!"

The audience clapped and we all went up on stage. It was really awkward and  
I tried looking for Richie. I found him but he was too far away for me to see if he had any money, but I did see him smile at me.

The contestant before me went up, which meant I was up next. His name was Will Byers, I didn't know that much about him. He was a sweet kid but really awkward and paranoid. 

The realization hit me that at any second, it would be my turn. I would find out if Richie was going to bet or if Stan was full of shit. After awhile, someone bet money.

"Ten dollars." My eyes snapped up. I knew that voice, I knew that voice all too well.

"Thank you Richie Tozier for your donation!" Will smiled at Richie and I saw Richie smile back. I felt sick, physically sick to my stomach. I wanted to be anywhere but here. I felt like I was about to cry.

"Eddie Kaspbrak, please come up." I hadn't realized the principal said my name already, which only made me more embarrassed. Stan was right about the bid war between Greta and Betty. Greta won, with a whopping sixty dollar donation. I didn't really care, I just wanted to go home. To be anywhere but here. 

Richie

When I found out who the basket boys of 1992 were gonna be, I felt weird. Not a bad weird, but definitely not a good weird. 

"You should bet on Eddie." Bill said and Audra nodded.

"And why would I do that?" I asked.

"Are you dumb?" Audra smiled.

"Richie, Eddie obviously likes you." Bill said.

"What? No, just- no. No he does not. Last time you said that we found out he was making fun of my uncle. Even if he did, I don't like him like that." I said.

"Richie, you've always liked Eddie like that. Maybe there were times when your feelings were stronger but it's pretty obvious you never stopped having feelings for him." Bill said.

"And Eddie is so different now. He cares about you Richie. He ditches Stan just so he can hang around you. He wanted us to like him because we're your friends. Did you see his face when you kissed his cheek?" Audra said.

"That- none of that means anything. Even if I did want to bet on Eddie, which I don't, I have any money." The bell rang and I assumed that was the end of that. 

The next day was the auction. When I was walking to school I heard Ms. Denbrough call my name. I looked at Bill's house to see her walking up to me. 

"Hey dear. I just wanted to give you your egg money. I finally have it now." She smiled and my eyes widened.

"No, no not today. I- uh..I have to go." I tried to run away but she grabbed my arm.

"Don't silly. Here you go." She smiled and placed the money in my hand.

"Take it back I really don't want it." I begged but she smiled and shook her head.

"Buy yourself something that makes you happy dear." And she walked back inside. I looked down to see that I had ten dollars. I placed it in my pocket and began walking to school, planning on killing Bill.

I'll just have to pretend I don't have it. It can't be that hard. When I arrived at school, Bill and Audra were waiting outside the school.. 

"I'm gonna kill you Denbrough." I huffed.

"That's a weird way to say thanks." He smiled.

"It's only ten dollars." I said and pulled out the money. "Everyone knows Greta or Betty is gonna win him."

"But if you bet, he'll know how you feel." She smiled. I shook my head and made my way to the auditorium.

Eddie looked gorgeous on stage. All I could think about is what would happen if I did bet. I would win, that was obvious, but Eddie would know how I feel..but I don't even know how I feel. 

He was up next, Will Byers was on stage. It had been almost since he was introduced and no one had betted any money.

"Why is no one betting? He's so nice." I whispered and they shrugged. I could see tears in his eyes and he looked completely embarrassed. I quickly raised my hand and shouted out all the money I had.

Eddie

All the contestants went into the cafeteria with their date and sat with them. I tried focusing on Greta, I really did but I couldn't stop staring at Richie. 

It wasn't fair. Why did he bet on Will? Why can't I be the one to make him smile like that? How could he sit there and laugh and look so beautiful?

"Eddie," I looked back to her. "Are you listening?"

"What?" I said.

"I said this is a really good sandwich." She said and I nodded.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"What do you wanna talk about?" She asked.

"Did you see Derry's performance of Dear Evan Hansen?" I replied.

"Who's Evan Hansen?" She laughed. I sighed and looked back to Richie. I could see Will holding Richie's hand. Why couldn't someone else bet on Will? Why did it have to be Richie, my Richie?

My breathing picked up and I couldn't help it. I don't know what came over me but I stormed over to him. I grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him up. "We need to talk."

"What's going?" He asked, extremely confused. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and in the corner of my eye, I could even see Stan staring at me.

But I didn't care, not anymore.

I placed my hands on his shoulders without saying anything and Richie looked confused. I closed my eyes and leaned, tilting my head slightly. I felt his breath on my lips but suddenly he pushed me away.

I opened my eyes quickly to see Richie back up. He looked, confused, embarrassed and scared. He ran out the cafeteria and suddenly I heard the laughter of everyone. I ignored the laughter and ran after him. When I got outside I saw him quickly getting on his bike. 

"Richie wait!" I ran up to him but he ignored me and quickly peddled away. I went to run after him but someone grabbed my wrist and I turned around to see Stan, not looking happy. "Let go of me."

"I knew it! I knew you were ditching me for that freak!" He yelled. "I saw him kiss your cheek, I saw you at the arcade with them, why would you do that to me?"

"Don't call him that." I said and yanked my wrist free of his hold.

"What, a freak?" Stan looked at me and laughed bitterly. "Your worried about the names I'm calling him rather than your own best friend."

"He's important to me!" I said.

"He's more important than me!?" Stan shook his head. "I see how it is. You love the retard, don't you?"

"Stop calling him that." I said sternly.

"Or you'll what? Cry? Go cry to Richie. You ruined this friendship because you want to make out with Richie Tozier! The ADHD anxiety filled loser! And the funniest part is, he doesn't even want you. You just got rejected by a fucking retard!" Stan yelled.

Rage filled my body and I was seething. Before I knew what was happening I punched Stanley in the face. He fell to the ground in shock, his nose pouring blood. My fist hurt but I didn't care. I had to find Richie. I began sprinting away and the last thing I heard from Stan was,

"What's the matter with you! Have you flipped?!" 

Richie

When Will and I sat at the table he looked down sadly.

"You don't have to do this. I know you only betted because you felt bad." Will said but I shook my head.

"No, you're really nice Will. I want to get to know you better." I said. He looked up and smiled sadly.

"You do?" He asked.

"Yeah," I reached for his hand and held it. "I do." He giggled and we began talking. Or more like he began talking and I was trying to listen.

Will really was nice, and I did want to get to know him. But it was hard to concentrate when Eddie wouldn't stop staring at me like..like the way I use to stare at him. It hurt, and I didn't know why. 

I realized Will was laughing so I laughed with him. I felt like shit for not knowing what Will was taking about but I couldn't help it. 

Suddenly Eddie stood up and he was walking over to me. He grabbed me by the wrist and stood me up. 

"What's going on?" I asked confused.

"We need to talk." I nodded and raised my eyebrows. 

I waited for him to speak but he didn't. He put his hands on my shoulders and closed his eyes. What the hell is he doing? He leaned in and oh-..Oh shit.

This was the moment I had always been dreaming of, kissing Eddie Kaspbrak. Him making the first move and it was finally happening. And I did want it to happen.

But not like this

I didn't want people watching my first kiss.

I pushed Eddie off of me, regretting instantly filling me and I sprinted out the cafeteria. I didn't stop running until I found my bike. As I got on I heard Eddies voice but I still biked away, I couldn't do this. 

I biked home faster than I ever had before, tears falling down my cheeks. I threw my bike down and ran upstairs, slamming my door shut and collapsing on my bed. Suddenly my mom came to my room and sat down on my bed.

"Richie? What's wrong?" She asked. I cried into my pillow as she rubbed my shoulder.

"Eddie tried to kiss me." I cried. 

"Oh.." My mom sighed. "I don't- isn't that good?" 

"He tried to do it in front of everyone! It just gave me flashbacks to when he pushed me in the mud and I panicked so- I ran. Everyone was laughing." I said.

"Well, I'm sure Bill and Audra will be here soon to talk to you. Is there anything you need from me?" She asked.

"If Eddie knocks, don't let him in. I can't handle it." I said and she nodded, closing my door and leaving my room.

Eddie

As I walked to Richie's house I realized Stan had been one right about one thing. I have flipped, completely. Here I am, giving Richie origami, trying to kiss him, being completely and utterly in love with him, and Richie is the one running away from me. 

The only thing that hasn't changed is that I keep hurting him.

I knocked on his door and his mom answered, smiling sadly at me. "Hi Eddie..Richie isn't..He's not in a good mood."

"Please, please I have to talk to him." I begged but she shook her head. 

"I'm sorry." She said and closed the door. My heart broke. Richie didn't want to see me, of course he didn't. I ruined everything between us. 

Richie

Eddie wouldn't leave me alone. He would come by my house multiple times, everyday, banging on the door. He would spam the landline constantly. He even started to climb up to my window.

"Richie please let me in! Please I'm sorry!"

I never let him in though.

I hadn't gone to school since then, my mom let me stay home. But it was the weekend now, and I knew on Monday I would have to face Eddie, I just really wish I didn't have to.

It was Saturday, I woke up a bit earlier than usual. I wasn't planning on going to the arcade and Bill knew that, I just hope Bill told Eddie. As I poured myself milk I heard digging outside. Confused, I walked to the window and opened the curtains to see Eddie digging a hole in my yard. I gasped and slammed my milk on the table, turning my head to my mom. He's ruining my fucking yard!

"Mom! Do you-"

"Relax Richie. I gave him permission." She smiled. I looked back to see Eddie finish the hole. He turned to the window and saw me but didn't do anything but walk away.

"Is he done?" I asked confused but my mom didn't answer. A few seconds later he came back with tree sapling. My eyes widened and I smiled. "Is that a..?" But I didn't need to ask, I knew it was a sycamore tree. 

Eddie

When he walked out the door I thought back to the first time I saw him, when I was 5 years old. How could anyone, ever want to run away from Richie Tozier?

Richie

He looked at me with those eyes, those beautiful brown Bambi eyes and I knew, that Eddie Kaspbrak was still walking around with my first kiss.

I walked up to him and smiled. "Do you need any help?"

He smiled back and nodded. "Sure." We crotched and as we placed the tree, our hands touched. We both smiled at each other and continued.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much of a dick Eddie could be, I knew that I would always have a spot in my heart for Eddie Kaspbrak. 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And done! Thank you to everyone that read this story. I could have never imagine it would blow up like this, it’s crazy. If you like my writing style, I am writing another Reddie story! It’s a prison au so it’s going to be a little graphic so if you don’t like that I recommend maybe not reading it. But anyway, bye!


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